Every discussion we have spawns more discussions so here we go again.

I'm gay and extremely active in the queer community with a lot of friends in activist circles who are trans, genderqueer, bi, pan, and so on. Literally until Femboy Hooters I'd never even come across the term. Here's what I think I see and y'all tell me if I'm off.

Femboys themselves seem to mostly be gay boys, although some are potentially trans eggs waiting to crack, but largely they seem to be comfortable with being gay and cis and male. They all seem to dress up pretty hardcore in feminine clothes and wear make up, but they're not drag queens or genderqueer, or they don't identify as such at least.

What's weird to me (yet still makes sense) is that the vast majority of people attracted to them are straight guys. As one dude said, "Men make better women." So of course there's the overtone of misogyny there. I've been approached before by straight men asking me if I'd be willing to wear panties or take hormones or get a tit job, but I hadn't really thought about it until I saw the preponderance of femboys out there in the world. Now how can I say these guys are straight if they want to fuck a cis man? Pretty simple, they don't see me as one. They see me as a woman who they want to feminize more.

I tried looking at the etymology and history of the term but there's nothing much. I did uncover a trove of femboys who hate trans people and who also differentiate themselves from what they call tr^ps. If you hate trans people your gay card should get revoked automatically so fuck them, but it seems to confirm my suspicion that this seems to have a misogynist bent to it. This may just be a label for the types of gay guys I knew who were very feminine and liked to date straight men, who treated them like garbage and both of them had really conservative personal politics.

But I don't know and I want to learn so tell me what's up, I'm old and I need my porridge.

  • gayhobbes [he/him]
    hexagon
    ·
    4 years ago

    I know vanishingly few trans women who haven't been radicalized by the constant shitty treatment of society, but the very few I do know are really stunningly awful. Outside of Blaire White and Caitlyn Jenner, I know a trans woman who is literally a TERF.

    • lvysaur [he/him]
      ·
      4 years ago

      I know a trans woman who is literally a TERF.

      How does that one work? If they're a TERF, don't they not identify as women? Or are they all "I'm the one real transwoman, all the rest are fakers" or something

      • gayhobbes [he/him]
        hexagon
        ·
        4 years ago

        Well, basically she just thinks she's an abomination. It's the worst of both worlds. Like she feels like a woman, but she thinks she shouldn't. It breaks my heart.

    • kristina [she/her]
      ·
      edit-2
      4 years ago

      yep. my trans community is one of dichotomies. 90% are socialists, the others are fash or adjacent. from what ive seen, it tends to be the very late transitioners or wealthy young people that are the fash adjacent ones. obviously not all of them work out that way, but theres a heavy bias.

      • quartz242 [she/her]M
        ·
        4 years ago

        Experienced a very similar break down in the couple cities I've been active in local trans scenes.

        Per usual class plays a big factor in politics, especially in transition as money smooth things over greatly.

        If you can flat out go get FFS, BA, labiaplasty you are gonna have a different view than someone who does survival sex work to make slumlord rent.

        • kristina [she/her]
          ·
          edit-2
          4 years ago

          yep. even being a natural passer can put you on the socialist path because you cant get ridda da dick