goddamn it i want to give up, i’ve known that i’m trans for years and i’ve been on hrt for over two but i still don’t feel like a woman

i have failed. i couldn’t be a man and now i’m failing at trying to be a woman

i want to go back, not because i want to be a man but because it’s easier, but i know that’s not possible. i’m too far into this shit for it to be easy to go back

but i’ve really been considering soft-detransitioning recently, just staying on hrt but doing nothing else and just introducing myself as my dead name to people. it’s so tempting to try and live an easier life but i know it won’t work, i know i won’t be happy, i know i won’t be comfortable

i’m stuck with no way out and seemingly no way to be happy with myself, whether i keep going forwards or try and go back, i will never escape myself