So far in my life I've managed to not pick up any, never even had a close call. My partner (open relationship of almost 2 years) recently told me they are going to a group event. They are really excited for this event and have really wanted to do one for a long time. They were telling me about it with a bright smile so I was happy for them. Then they said someone in the group "had herpes but is managing it well." I want to trust my partner to know their other partners well enough, but this is a new scenario for me. I know it is technically manageable but it makes me a bit uncomfortable knowing they are going to take this risk.
I'm looking for advice. What do I do? Do I tell my partner not to go? Is herpes fully manageable and not a concern at all? Does that matter if I don't want any more things in my life to manage? Is using protection safe enough on its own or do people need to take the anti-viral suppressants to really make sure? Can I even ask someone if they're taking it? (The person lives in an area where that is provided without charge if that changes anything.) I don't know. I feel like I'm not being true to the progressive (call me a lib rn, whatever) values I claim if I tell my partner not to go while worrying about an apperently manageable STD.
Managing it well to me would mean they're taking a suppressant, especially if they're planning to fuck a group of people. If you're concerned make it known that you wanna be damn sure this person isn't gonna spread herpes, that's totally fair.
Personally, I would want to see the papers myself. Trust, but verify. This is your health on the line.
i don't know if you believe the state department's line on genital herpes but it's looking kinda grim
Infections are transmitted through contact with HSV in herpes lesions, mucosal surfaces, genital secretions, or oral secretions. HSV-1 and HSV-2 can be shed from normal-appearing oral or genital mucosa or skin. Generally, a person can only get HSV-2 infection during genital contact with someone who has a genital HSV-2 infection. However, receiving oral sex from a person with an oral HSV-1 infection can result in getting a genital HSV-1 infection. Transmission commonly occurs from contact with an infected partner who does not have visible lesions and who may not know that he or she is infected. In persons with asymptomatic HSV-2 infections, genital HSV shedding occurs on 10.2% of days, compared to 20.1% of days among those with symptomatic infections.
I have no experience with open relationships, but it's okay to tell your partner if you're not comfortable with this risk. Concern over an STD is reasonable and valid.
Herpes is incredibly common. Many people have herpes and no outbreaks or many are just straight up lying about not having it or simply do not know due to never displaying any symptoms. Group sex, the larger the group, the greater the chance that someone has herpes or HPV. Since your partner and yourself both have personal interest in group sex, this is really something that you have to come to terms with. You will have an elevated risk of catching herpes or HPV. This comes with the territory of having lots of sex, so I don't know if you should worry too much and just enjoy your sex.
I think you're safer off, better off, dealing with the person that told you they have herpes. They are dealing honestly with you especially if they are on antivirals and are open on their frequency of outbreaks.
I'm pretty? sure that herpes is only transmissible when it flares up/there's open wounds? In which case "managing it" could mean they're managing it ie: no breakouts.
also something silly like half of all people have HPV.
There's a vaccine now and everyone should get it if they can. We can just make cervical cancers caused by HPV disapear. We have the technology.
Primary Care doctor should have it. It's pretty common now since they recommend everyone gets it. You might even be able to find a urgent care or pharmacy that does it. (If you live in the US I'm assuming)
According to the government here it can be transmissible when it flares up and is asymptomatic as well which would make it basically impossible to tell when you are contagious or not.
You can get herpes without a flare up, although it is much less common
Although you can take medication to basically make it impossible to transmit, they might be referring to that and I'd ask them
Herpes sucks, because it wouldn't be a big deal at all without the social stigma but the social stigma exisrs
I have herpes, I got it before I was in open relationships, it has never kept me from pursuing relationships, I was always open with people about it.
I think its okay to ask what the person is doing to control it, do they take daily valcyclovir? Would it be too much to ask to like double up their dose a few days before?
Its not that big of a deal, but it def freaked me out when I first found out I had it.
