Back again with one of these threads. You all know the drill!
Rough night last night. Didn't go to the office today, but am still sitting in on a 4 hour meeting. Got another one on Friday. Tomorrow night I get to be stuck in a room with 3 people that don't like me. Hooray! I'll have a few friends there at least, so I can go disappear with them when needed, to some degree at least.
Gonna buy myself a nice sandwich later to soothe the soul, and bathe the pups tonight and stay sober.
Bad. Trying to be sober, failing hard. Got drunk last night and lost my switch, zelda, and pro controller. I'm in my 30s. Feeling like a real pathetic loser right now.
Better than losing friends at least, I hope? Sobriety is hard. Good on you for trying. If you ever wanna chat, inbox is open! :meow-hug:
Yeah I didn't hurt anybody or involve anyone. I hope whoever stole the switch gives it to their kid or if they sell it I hope they really needed the money.
Hoping you can shake off that feeling and avoid the shame cycle(worth a google if your not familiar) Fighting addiction is incredibly difficult, try not to get down on yourself. Relapse is a natural part of recovery.(relapse prevention plans and relapse recovery plans might be something to look into when your feeling up to it)
Going to a trial of one of my abusers today unless it gets pushed back last minute.
Turns out they went on to abuse and stalk 10+ people. Unfortunately for them, the victims ended up talking.
I'm releived that there will be justice but having to write down and relive the worst years of my life for the courts sucks ass. I need to be looking for work right now and this is taking up all of my brain space.
Seeing him suffer and finally face consequences does fill me with the :party-sicko: energy I need to get through this though.
Fuck this guy, and fuck his shitty friends who joined in on the abuse. If he isn't arrested I hope he spends the rest of his life in a dirty hole.
Sending love :meow-hug:
Hope you're able to find peace with this.
:stalin-heart: you're much braver than I am, my entire coming out plan is just never talking to anyone I've ever known before transitioning ever again
Stressed to the point of sleeplessness because brother and his wife are both doing first-responder work related to Alberta wildfires, and their (rented) house is one unlucky change of wind direction from turning to ash. I usually sleep like the dead even when my own life is stressful. This is something else entirely.
Made some weed lemon squares last night with the help of my new Magical Butter Machine. Going to taste test one tonight. I will say that the scent-containment part of the advertising is no lie. The setup really does seal in the scent. No-one passing by my apartment would know.
Playing new Zelda, so my brain is at least not bored
Otherwise, things are going okay
I've been trying to keep up with my home maintenance and gardening and doing decent with it
Made some new friends through my partner and we all played Pathfinder and had a good time with it
Coming to terms with some of my more repressed qualities has really done a lot to make things better
:meow-hug:
Y'all here are a big reason why I've been decidedly less depressed and negligent towards myself
I've been touching grass, as it were, and it's actually really nice
Coming to terms with some of my more repressed qualities has really done a lot to make things better
I found this recently within myself too. The funny thing, and tell me if this was your experience, is that even though i'd 'repress' certain qualities they'd usually express themselves in the worst form anyway just because something like cynicism or crass jokes were bottled up.
Pretty much yeah, especially since I realized that even though I tried to keep that shit inside, I would usually do something rude or thoughtless towards my partner and that would make me feel terrible which would lead me to more repressing my behavior...
I decided to try and break the cycle, it's been going pretty good so far
:soviet-heart: best of luck on ur journey. the feeling of control, deciding to change things, is a good one
I'm recovering from surgery and it's been a lot harder than I expected. It's been a rough process all the way through, and now I'm feeling even weaker and worse than before the surgery, which is a bummer.
Mental health is doing okay ish, at least I don't have to worry about money during this time, but the inability to get out and do much or feel secure in my physical health is really taking a toll.
Sorry to hear that comrade, sending love and good vibes :meow-hug:
Thanks. I know this will pass, I just had convinced myself (foolishly) that once I was on this side of things it would get easier. In some ways it has, but it's not been the relief I'd hoped for. In another month or two I'll hopefully be through this part of it all though and getting back into things I haven't been able to do for a year now given the health problems. Really looking forward to that.
Saw my therapist this morning and got some new thoughts and associations to mull over. Went to the gym yesterday, walked this morning, might do karaoke tonight.
I'm feeling stronger than I did the past few weeks. It feels good.
Hell yeah! Seeing mine tomorrow, I emailed them last night to let them know whats been going on with me.
Got a new, better seeming job - just gotta take a drug test for it and should be set. Looking forward to not feeling so stressed by work I don't really care about.
Thanks comrade! Feeling kinda worried due to a piss test/background check but I think it'll work out
I am trying not to text my ex but it's getting harder every day. The dudes she's been with for the past three years is really abusive, hits her and yells at her and shit. They've broken up several times but they live together and she caves and stays with him. I want to be a home wrecker but I also know she's not going to leave him, so it's really not worth thinking about
I literally have multiple amazing people who want either short term flings and long term romance with me but I can't stop thinking about my dang ex 🤬
It do be that way sometimes. My first ex left me in a really shitty way, and while we're kind of friends now, I spent a LONG time thinking about them. Time helps.
Relationships are....interesting that way, arent they?
Is there a way to start a city with trains, skipping the part where you have to fuck with highways?
Nice, I just reinstalled it and loaded up those mods with a train start map and played it for several hours, lol
In a mental health sense, I'm doing great. Struggling with drinking too much but this is hellworld so it's to be expected. But I am massively pissed about work and everything surrounding it. My boss is a moron who's asleep at the wheel. He's also a fucking packrat so there's no space to do anything. I barely get paid enough to pay off all my bills every month, usually managing to save maybe a few hundred dollars if I don't have any unexpected bills to pay. And while looking for new jobs realizing just how stuck I am because I don't have the skills/degrees to switch fields easily for something that actually pays a halfway decent amount without becoming a :the-pigs: which is off the table
Glad to hear your brain is at least doing ok! Hope work shit is able to improve soon <3
Little nervous about my future employment, but overall I'm good. Tears of the Kingdom has been keeping me occupied. Plus writing more music.
I can fuck with this. If you want someone to put it out on tape when its done, check the label Lurker Bias. Let's just say I work with the person who runs it.
Oh, wow- this feel like a lot just reading, can't imagine how difficult this time is/has been for you! So amazing you're still going and holding on strong- sending vibes, love, and light!
I'm feeling kinda eh. Not crying every night, but also, not super happy. Kind of a neutral mood. Still not feeling fulfilled with my social connections. Still not feeling happy about my inability to start conversation or keep it going. I want to get better social skills, but I still don't know how. But I'm at the point mentally where I'm not only thinking about how miserable I am.
Trying to find an in-person support group, my therapist and I both agree I need the in-person interaction, but none of them are responding to my calls.
I remember you talked a little about this last time. Glad you're still keeping at it and trying to make moves! That's great! :meow-hug:
