So I've had several comments removed recently and I was wondering how those of you with strong contrarian instinct avoid being toxic debate perverts.
I've noticed myself getting really confrontational online over shit that I know on an intellectual level does not matter in the slightest.
Are there strategies you'd recommend for acting more prosocially?
Write your response, read it, then get up/change apps/whatever, then when you come back to it, clear the field/close the tab/refresh the page.
Get the thoughts out, then delete them.
I want to second writing out your response, reading it, and then if it doesn't feel fully like a banger/fully empathetic to people, just fucking delete it. I delete stupid stuff I write out all the time. Dumb responses to people that aren't well thought out. posts that aren't very helpful or thoughtful. stuff that would probably just piss off the person i'm responding too because they pissed me off in some way. I have typed comments today that I just deleted and moved on with my life about it. Fuck, sometimes I think I have a good contribution and I can't get the words to word in a way that actually makes sense. I delete it.
Not saying you shouldn't post, just that it's necessary to leverage the inherent distance of communicating electronically in the written word in both directions. You cannot communicate the full nuance of your human person to others online; you can try to realize when you simply can't succeed or are about to put something out that might not be received how you'd intend. You can even put something out there, have people agree with you, and then decide that you must have fucked up a bit for people to be saying what they're saying in agreement with you and then delete that too. I've deleted posts before after deciding hours later that actually I shouldn't have said that for such and such reason.
Make a meme as your response to them. If you start making the meme and suddenly it feels like too much effort, that’s because it is
I type out a whole ass reply and before hitting post think to myself, "Do I really want to waste my time on this?" Then I hit cancel and move on with my life. Sometimes I even prevent myself from writing anything.
I'm a recovering serial mansplainer. I once mansplained why feminists were right about the patriarchy to a teenage girl that was like 2 years younger than me. I also grew up arguing on Reddit very frequently.
The main thing that helps is to train yourself to first understand where someone else is coming from. In IRL conversations make sure you're hearing what the other person has to say, not just listening until they say something you disagree with then waiting until your turn to own them. Never start a conversation assuming the other person is acting in bad faith (unless there's a good reason to believe that, like they're wearing a Ben Shapiro merch shirt or whatever). Remember that natural conversation is just not capable of convincing someone that their strong beliefs are simply not true; you can either talk with them to gently steer them in a better direction that they'll have to open their minds to, or engage in discourse to appeal to an audience with a superior image which still means speaking with relevant facts and no more vitriol than is appropriate for the situation. Obviously on Hexbear we dunk on libs pretty hard but it only works because we bring a ton of information and theory to back our points up, and we're dunking on people who generally are acting antagonistic with very little substance to back up their bad faith attacks. But you need to know when it makes more sense to take a more Socratic approach of letting the person explain why they're wrong to themselves instead of getting them defensive. No one changes their mind while they're on the defense.
Being contrarian is universally annoying so I'd suggest just never do it unless its an obvious joke thing. For mansplaining I did this a lot and I have a hard rule that I don't give advice or explain anything unless directly asked. Took a lot of getting used to but its pretty easy now.
Sometimes i find typing out my comment then deleting it is enough to satisfy my brain. If i end up posting something stupid i go back and delete when I've cooled off and hope no one saw it lolol
Being contrarian is universally annoying
I mean you could make the case that John Brown was a contrarian. I'm sure he annoyed people.
Order fetishism can also be bad, I guess is the point I'm trying to make
touching grass helps, as does logging off.
No snark intended conrad. Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then go outside a while. Internet debates go nowhere.
What sometimes helps me decide is to ask myself "am I trying to be nice, or am I trying to be right, or both?" or "is this for me, the other person, or the viewer?". Then, depending on the context, I proceed or abort.
Posting shit just for myself and just to be right has a valid context, but if Im unsure chances that isn't the case at the time.
Block people who you disagree with
Literally. If you cant control the urge to debate, just remove the comment from your vision
