Christmas was usually something that I really liked because it was a warm comforting light in the hollow darkness of winter. This Christmas is different for a lot of reasons.

Obviously because of the pandemic I can't visit my family or friends. But even without that I'd still feel shitty because I have to work until 2 am tonight. And my partner works until 12 so when they get home I'll still be working. And we both have to work tomorrow so it's not like we could have fun or do much of anything because we have to get up and go to work tomorrow.

And it's so shitty outside. Not even snowy like it used to be on Christmas. Just muddy and wet and rainy because the Earth is being boiled for profit. The sun sets at like 3 pm right when I'm waking up and it doesn't rise again until like 7 am, after I've gone to bed. I haven't been outside during daylight in weeks.

People I know are like "omg 2020 is almost over I can't wait for this awful year to be done" as if 2021 isn't going to be worse. And 2022 will be worse than 2021 and so on. It's just gonna keep getting worse.

The terrorist attack in Nashville today is a portent of exponentially worse things to come.

The unusually destructive weather events this year are going to continue to happen, more frequent and more destructive as time goes on.

The pandemic is going to continue raging on and killing millions of mostly poor people. It's already birthed new strains that are more infectious and more deadly.

I don't understand how to be happy anymore. Even when I'm momentarily happy it's overshadowed by absolute dread.

Merry Christmas comrades