"Biden Administration looks for 'fresh start' after lackluster 100 days"

"Biden condemns violence of riots 'on both sides' after lastest fatal shootings"

"Hottest August on record"

"Nation mourns as covid-19 deaths hit 500,000"

"Stock market reaches record levels"

"Inspiring homeless nurse still manages to treat COVID19 patient, as new record of daily cases hits California"

"Former Presidents meet at Mar-a-Lago for photo shoot"

Shit isn't hard. Hire me The Onion.

  • thefunkycomitatus [he/him,they/them]
    ·
    4 years ago

    "Yet another shipment of vaccines has gone missing and no one knows why."

    "Riots heat up for a second summer in a row as a child was shot by police just weeks before Floyd anniversary"

    "Why Biden disappearing for weeks at a time is actually good"

    "President erupts at staff during factory visit"

    "Why jobs are needed more than another stimulus check"

    "Kamala sits down with family of child involved in a police shooting. Assures them that crime is high in agenda."

    "The side of Trump you have never seen: how the presidency haunts him."

    "Ivanka tells her story: how she managed to survive her dad's career"

    "Drone footage shows Jefferey Epstein, alive, on remote tropical island"

    "COVID beckons the return of house calls as overcrowded hospitals become focal points of viral transmission"

    "Bezos: how a plucky farmhand became the world's first half-trillionaire"

    "Tesla to begin manufacturing internal combustion engines"

    "Why are we worrying over a vaccine? Masks and distancing worked just fine"

    "China courts Iran: why we need to drop nukes right fucking now"

    • Not_irony [he/him]
      hexagon
      ·
      4 years ago

      The hard part isn't figuring out what is gonna happen, its killing enough of your brain cells to write a headline that does straight faced manufacturing consent. A lot of it is simply ignoring the topic/issues. Your first one will definitely happen, but just will never get talked about, or "The case administering the vaccines by income." Even that is too close to the truth, tho