Dating (and interpersonal relationships in general) fucking sucks, and it's universally known here. But here's the thing : I have seen this post a few hours ago, and somehow stumbled my way onto this video. And I can't help but be relieved that someone put the words on what I am feeling. A few months ago, I stopped going on dating apps altogether, but the experience was still there. Both the post and this video inspired me to make my own discussion on this matter.

The alienation was strong, but I could only put my finger on a few elements. The endless stream of bland and empty profiles, or even worse, profiles mentioning a love of laughter, drinking, sleeping and eating. The "self-marketing", trying to put oneself under the best light with a tiny bio. The ridiculous dehumanization, as you see an endless stream of pictures, some of them bots and catfish, most of them being humans, with their own personality, life, problems and dreams. That same dehumanization made worse by the time within which you reach the decision on whether to swipe left or right, firstly looking at the picture, then the age, profession and diploma, and then reading whatever was written. That ever-persisting thought that your data is being hoarded by a massive corporation, exploiting human biology to make immense profits. The ghosting, the mind games, the sterile conversations.

And then the video fucking hits : you are a fucking product, a merchandise being sold. A car needing a buyer, your physical characteristics being the main specs, your diploma and languages extra options, your looks the overall shape and paint. Your age the distance. You have a few hundred characters and a few bars to write down your specs, hoping to find a buyer. You consent to your data being sold and shared to even have a chance to compete with other products on the marketplace.

To make things worse, one person told me literally that I almost had a financial vision of dating, and I replied that it indeed was the case, but hoo boy, the rabbithole goes way farther than that. You always reply to several people; as the video indeed says, you're making bets. You're calculating from the very begining : is this a good option, or am I better looking elsewhere, whatever my aims may be , sex, or a relationship. Is this person poor ? Is this person mentally ill ? Is s/he likely to become rich in the future ? A good chunk of the questions you ask yourself, (bar the first ones regarding trustworthiness and safety) are not within the realm of finding love, but about a set of characteristics. And while a lot of characteristics such as age, religion, political opinions, etc... are absolutely dealbreakers for some, there is something horrifying when you realize it's an algorithm chosing who you see, and more importantly, who doesn't see you; after which you check out immediately anyone you do not want, for any reason. So to go with the flow and have the best odds, a lot of people hide who they are, put some vapid shit in their bio, some pictures with friends, some pictures abroad or on a fishing/hunting trip. Good luck finding meaningful relationships with that formula.

But there's even worse. I have zero info on what a working, long-relationship is, simply because I have never been in one, regardless of sexual stuff. Is love only a material thing now ? You are a car, and once you have driven long enough, you get to ditch it and change it, for whatever reason ? I mean, why wouldn't you ? There's an endless supply of them, quite good-looking too, with more options probably; all within the reach of your fingertip. I am guilty as charged when it comes to that, and have done some relatively horrible (but common) things to some people who simply didn't deserve it in the end. Leaving them because I wasn't good enough, didn't fit with the common image of a man, or because I wouldn't be resilient enough to make it work, or some other bullshit. Others I left because I knew deep down they wouldn't get me what I genuinely wanted, which is genuine, gratuitous love and affection; not this empty facade of material love. "Look at my boyfriend, I sure am glad to finally have such convenience in my life".

We often look at capitalism when it comes to proletarian-bourgeois relationships, but do we even realize how much humanity capitalism has sucked out of us in terms of love ? Not only modern day dating, contrarily to what the big corporations claim, does not challenge gender norms, but it actively reinforces backward norms, such as patriarchy and old gender norms. A good man any woman should get is strong, dependable, outgoing, hardworking, and always provides for the family. A good woman is obedient, and serves as a homecarer and childbearer. The man is a good little worker, and a good little soldier when the country needs it, and a woman keeps pumping out more of these fine, docile proletarians; because surely that's the best way to organize life in the 21st century. Viewing human beings as commodities, or in an even more sickening way to say it : human resources for corporations and capitalist states.

TLDR : dating fucking sucks in general, but even more so under capitalism; and even more so when you are "special", in regards to societal norms. Relationships aren't meant to last anymore, so you will always go back into the hellscape that is dating in the 2020s. And realizing now how badly dating under capitalism reinforces capitalism itself, it feels me with hate, against myself and others (everyone in fact); but also with a deep sense of despair that I will likely die without the experience of actual love considering I will never fit into the idea of a ""real"" man.