I suffer from health anxiety and BPD, and had been experiencing severe migraines that unfortunately my brain convinced me were due to a brain tumor, even though i am actually diagnosed w chronic migraines and had had a clear brain scan a few months before.
I was in a lot of pain, as I cannot take migraines meds (triptans) bc they have a pharmacological interaction with my antidepressants, and kept obsessively making up scenarios where I had terminal cancer. As a result my anxiety-drained self guided by the impulsivity inherent to both BPD and physical pain decided to attempt suicide by taking 15 Wellbutrin pills. My rationale was the typical euthanasia due to terminal illness situation, I’d rather control and how and when I’ll die instead of having a disease do it for me, the only problem with this reasoning is that i dont actually have said disease.
A few hours in I started shaking a lot, my heart was racing, i could feel my blood flowing through my veins and started hallucinating sounds. I seriously thought I was gonna die. Upon finding me in this state my parents rushed to the hospital, but unfortunately it was too late to get ny stomach pumped so I just stayed inpatient for observation and they gave me a vicodin for the headache.
As of right now I’m still in the hospital, but now in the psychiatric ward for obvious reasons. I still feel shaky and a bit zonked from the vicodin, but the pain couldn’t resist the power of opioids so at least my headache is gone.
However I feel like I underwent some kind of cognitive damage. I can’t think straight and keep forgetting words, it does scare me that I’ll never recover to be honest. I had extreme tachicardia when i came in so they performed an ECG, naturally my heart is fucked up.
This is ridiculous, i almost died to escape from a terminal illness that i dont have. My parents are devastated, and so is my little sis. All because the fucking monster that is anxiety, it’s a terrible extremely debilitating illness and i hate how trivialized its become.
Sorry for the long post and sorry if im not making much sense. I’m very very intoxicated and couldn’r be bothered to write an articulate text.
I remember your original posts about your migraines and all that. All I can say is that I wish you the best and hope it will get better. As someone with general anxiety disorder and some form of physical disabilitiy (I think I've talked about it in some of my comments on this website, not sure though) it does get very hard sometimes and I also hate the trivialising of anxiety, it majorly effects the lives of the people who suffer from it and it's not just "nervousness". All I can say is just keep on going, one step at a time, and don't be afraid to reach out. Also remember to advocate for yourself with regards to health matters, it's very important in my personal experience. Sending hugs, and solidarity your way. :heart-sickle:
Thank you so much. Honestly you guys have been one of the few things that are keeping me going. I think I channeled a lot of bottled up frustrations and anxieties into the brain cancer narrative and ultimately it was a mix of things that motivated me to attempt. Once again thank you and as a fellow anxiety sufferer I hope ur doing fine urself too, feel free to PM whenever u need someone to talk to :)
Ya just hopping in to one-up the piece abt ppl trivializing anxiety; I also have generalized anxiety disorder, and social anxiety disorder, and bipolar II. Without a doubt, there have been times in my life where GAD has been more debilitating than bipolar. Anxiety ain't no joke. I just hope everyone in this thread is ok and looking after themselves the best they can, and remembering to go easy on themselves :af-heart: