This should be fucking obvious but an argument I just went through on Twitter (gods I really should just not get on twitter) tells me that even left-leaning people for some reason sometimes think they are owed this information simply because they are interested in flirting.

Transpeople have no obligation to out themselves. even if you have or are going to kiss, or date them.

To think otherwise is to assume you are owed knowledge about their body. To get upset after they do tell you is to assume you were entitled to continue the relationship, or that they were trying to manipulate you.

If you have hangups that would prevent a relationship it's on YOU to be upfront about them or to accept the potential disappointment with grace.

  • MerryChristmas [any]
    ·
    4 years ago

    Can I use this opportunity to add that it's also sort of insulting when people assume someone is cis just because they don't recognize them as trans? Guessing someone's gender identity based on their appearance is not cool, even when you're just trying to dunk on some Twitter CHUDs. To me, it always felt like these sort of callouts reinforced the idea that you're only the gender you identify as if you "pass." Ultimately, it's like you said - no trans person owes it to you to let you know that they are trans.

    I'm not all that sure of my gender identity and I'm not very active in trans communities so maybe I'm sticking my nose where it doesn't belong - this is just something that always made me personally uncomfortable. I'm happy to listen to other perspectives, though.