i’m so sorry that you’re struggling and i can only imagine the pain you’re going through. i’m not trans myself so can’t say i know what it’s like to experience dysphoria, but I do know that if you don’t pursue your identity it’s only going to get worse. everyone deserves to feel comfortable in their body, especially with something as fundamental as their gender. and as harsh as this may sound, anyone who opposes to that basic right of yours is not worth it to have in your life. i know coming out is easier said than done and i understand how scary it might be to put yourself at risk of social exclusion, but i can guarantee you that sooner or later you’ll find people who love and support you as who you are. i don’t know where you’re from but i think the trans community is quite big all over the world, reach out to like-minded folks, either online or irl, and please just know you’re not alone. you’re not only valid to me but i also care about you and would be more than happy to have you vent to me over PM. sending you lots of love. it will get better i promise.