like.. even most irl leftists don't seem to support us, especially outside of america. my dad's a borderline fascist, my mom's an alcoholic, my friends will most likely stop talking to me out of shame, dating is fucking impossible when trans.
why live
Spite. Anger. Revenge. Justice.
If I go down I'm not going down alone.
i don't care about any of that, i just want to be happy
i just wanna girl for god's sake
i do, but i don't know if it's worth losing literally everyone in my life and setting myself up for a life of pain and solitude
I went on a date once with a woman who transitioned at 40 (wound up being too much distance between where we lived for it to work out). I also met another woman who came out and transitioned in her 60s last year, at a party where she was with her wife.
I know that might not be helpful right now, and I'm not telling you not to start your process now. But, if for your personal safety you choose to delay starting your transition, transition later in life is still possible.
But you know you, and there are trans comrades here who have probably been where you are now. Reach out and talk with them and/or us when you need to.
And remember, your friends might surprise you!
People you lose for being who you are might not be worth hanging on to. I know that sounds harsh and I also know it's not that easy, but I do think it's true. Also, my hope is that you will find quite a lot of queer folks/spaces at your new college. My brother did and it made him coming out and transitioning way easier. Don't give up hope now. You haven't even started living yet. Be kind to yourself, comrade. 07
thank you for the kind words <3. my situation is pretty shitty cause im starting college, which means im gonna be dependent on my parents for the next few years... also i have no idea how i'm gonna fucking come out to an entire school, i have social anxiety and this is just.... hhhhh
sorry, i should have specified im not american - colleges here don't have dorms, they're just like regular schools. i thought about steath HRT, problem is though the system in europe is awful and doesn't really let you go stealth, they expect you to come out to everyone. idk i'm just scared of getting bullied or worse, im not good at socializing and im studying IT so im expecting a whole lot of chuds. i live in a large city so getting my own flat is gonna be literally impossible, rents are fucking insane. i seriously feel so hopeless.
/r/transDIY can help you get started without the healthcare system, and can be a shortcut to getting legit HRT. Lots of doctors will just prescribe you HRT if they find out you're already taking it on your own anyway because they want you to be safe. I personally recommend getting on injecions rather than pills. They've given me great results over the past 2 years.
It can be much, much harder to get them outside the USA. In Europe and the Commonwealth off-label prescriptions are less of a thing.
This is very much a "grey market" thing. It's not 100% legal but you're very unlikely to get in trouble for it unless you're ordering testosterone to transition from FtM. I have friends in Europe who have successfully ordered bootleg HRT using the information on that subreddit so I know it's possible and pretty easy.
I'm so sorry you're in that situation. Unfortunately, as an American (like most of us), it's going to be hard for us to give you good specific advice. I hate to say it, but you might be better served by transgender reddit for information (comradeship, as always, is available here!). There is a r/transgenderuk subreddit (brave people there on TERF island! Fuck TERFs). They might be able to direct you to your country's trans subreddit, if there is one.
Are student housing co-ops a thing where you're going to school? In the US, at least, they tend to be very open minded, and MUCH cheaper than standard housing.
I have had T prescriptions covered by medi-cal (CA medicaid) when I worked as a tech. you can even get reimbursed if it gets approved but its a gamble bc if it doesn’t you’re shit outa money. i am unsure if it is the same for E. if yall can get an rx for it and a TAR approved its worth a shot
I came out as a woman to my 2nd wife when I was 48. I came out to my daughter (22) at 50. They both shrugged and said, "I know."
I felt your fear.
You are loved. I don't know you, but I love you. You are beautiful.
I heard genesis p-orridge say "be happy, they hate it when we're happy" at a psychic tv concert and that's the truest shit I've ever heard.
honestly happiness comes from self-actualization. that is the most impressive quality. become a radical trans revolutionary hero. dating will not be impossible when you grow up again tomorrow and Become (even more) Cool. People are open minded and you can fucking stun them just by becoming the real you.
why die? you can help people, you can be a fucking messiah figure like Lenin if you want it bad enough
being surrounded by libs and fash is its own psychological hell, of course you feel miserable, you can grow past them and that life though, but they’re probably fucking stuck there and over time you’ll even feel sorry for them tbh
btw you can terrorize fascists and be completely justified in doing so
yes in fairness sometimes it can go wrong but it remains good advice for comrades, the point is more to become who you want to be: by denying Becoming through denying Being Nietzsche is nihilist SHIT (also that’s probably not what he meant but I get the criticism)
Nietzsche was one of the most anti-nihilists there was, actually. There's a great academic/scholarly book called The Affirmation of Life: Nietzsche on Overcoming Nihilism that goes into great detail about this.
ugh i know this feeling, sorry you’ve been treated this way comrade. internalized transphobia is one bitch of a cop to kill, we all struggle with it. but regardless of your facial hair, genital configuration, etc. you are my sister and i’ll fight for you. trans heritage is your heritage. you belong and you are precious. if other trans girls are being shitty to you it’s because they’re still trying to kill that cop for themselves, it says nothing about you and you are no less beautiful for it. you deserve acceptance and love.
i just cant handle the dysphoria anymore, fucking hurts seeing my body get worse and worse
The first step is finding LGBT support groups.
There's plenty of closeted Trans people out there, either for social or employment reasons, and no matter if you choose to go fully out, only out in supportive groups, or remain closeted to protect yourself you'll need accepting people to support you.
And of course you always have us Libs here at Chapo to vent to.
You keep living to say fuck you who think you don’t deserve to. Live to help improve the lives of others, even if it means yours won’t directly improve. You’ll always have overwhelming
criticalunconditional support here. I’m not trans but everyone should be able to live comfortably with who they are (unless you’re racist or fascist but that goes without saying almost).Oops. Literally typed that out and thought I was wrong so I changed it. Thanks comrade.
If your friends stop talking to you then those aren't your friends. I can't imagine how hard dating must be, it's extremely difficult even for me and I'm a cishet dude. I won't pretend our situations are even remotely the same, but I will tell you some things I've learned after going through some really long, really lonely periods where my self worth was basically nothing and I asked myself that same question, why live?
You have to really befriend yourself. Get to know yourself as well as you can and love that person dearly. If there are things you want to and can change, make an effort, but don't beat yourself up if you fail. Just keep trying and pushing forward. Find little things that make you happy, I got way into cooking and making music. Give yourself something small every day to look forward to, even if it's something dumb like a candy bar or watching an episode of something. Just take care of yourself.
I guess what I'm saying is you can't let other people answer "why live?" for you. You have to find your own reasons and live for them. I promise if you keep trying to make connections you eventually will, but you have to start connecting with yourself first.
In the meantime, we have your back.
I know that feeling, when I came out as trans to my friends, they all saw me as inferior and eventually i got kicked out of their friendgroup. That and I was a communist.
I have no ability to empathize with your experience of disphoria as I completely fail to identify with my body in any meaninful way.
I can still empathize your pain and it is valid. If you persist you will find ways to make things better and people that will support you
i’m so sorry that you’re struggling and i can only imagine the pain you’re going through. i’m not trans myself so can’t say i know what it’s like to experience dysphoria, but I do know that if you don’t pursue your identity it’s only going to get worse. everyone deserves to feel comfortable in their body, especially with something as fundamental as their gender. and as harsh as this may sound, anyone who opposes to that basic right of yours is not worth it to have in your life. i know coming out is easier said than done and i understand how scary it might be to put yourself at risk of social exclusion, but i can guarantee you that sooner or later you’ll find people who love and support you as who you are. i don’t know where you’re from but i think the trans community is quite big all over the world, reach out to like-minded folks, either online or irl, and please just know you’re not alone. you’re not only valid to me but i also care about you and would be more than happy to have you vent to me over PM. sending you lots of love. it will get better i promise.
