The title pretty much says it all. I've always struggled to connect with others, but the farther I find myself outside of societal norms, the harder it gets.
Well said! I agree there are underlying reasons for why we reject certain social norms and not others. But I might push back a little bit - what about the cases where these reasons effectively trump any potential loneliness their actions would cause? i.e. I made the "decision" to transition, despite knowing it would definitely isolate me from a lot of close friends and family.
what about the cases where these reasons effectively trump any potential loneliness their actions would cause?
The mere act of understanding the reasons that make loneliness worth a course of action precludes rejecting societal norms out of hand or following them uncritically. So, I think you're good.
There are some really nice people on FB and Insta. People who never had the time nor reason to realise that they're being advertised and exploited. People who will never join the Fediverse because they're happy with what they get from their current social.
If you're a single person, looking to meet new interesting people, you've just shut out 90% of the world.
That's the thing -- it's not online access only. More and more people are finding each other online and forming lasting relationships from it.
I currently live in a country where dating is extremely hard, especially so for the foreigners. Finding my people here just doesn't happen. Oh sure there are meetup groups, but that's a handful of people. Using a simple app like FB to find english-speaking people in your area who have a common interest? An extremely useful tool.
well that's the sad thing - I don't use nor have I really ever. The most social I ever did was 15 years of reddit.
But I watch friends and colleagues, go out on dates with like-minded people, or find great deals on furniture, and I can't help but think "huh."
My main point is, it's a horrible app/platform, but it has incredible utility by way of reach.
what you are saying is very abstract, like what societal norm are you getting rid of? do you want to run around naked or something
Have you considered moving somewhere that's better aligned with your values? It's not something to undertake lightly, but I know that moving helped me a lot. Totally different situation for me though.
For me it was basically just moving somewhere bigger, even if I didn't get much better at making connections just knowing it was possible made a difference.
Good luck to you.
You have more in common with normies than you think. Focus on that and ignore the rest. Example. A few years ago I lived walking distance away from a barber shop and a salon. The barber shop was always packed and the salon was always empty. I started going to the salon to save the wait. I found out why it was always empty. The owner was a massive Trump supporter and would rant about politics all the time. But it was always empty so I kept going there. Over time I realized how easy it was to have a conversation with her if I picked the right topics. Insurance, cable companies, the price of gas. Basically, all of the ways we're getting fucked.
Regular people have opinions about the things we talk about (privacy, consumerism, AI etc.). So, it's really easy to strike up a conversation. Try it the next time you are waiting in the self checkout line. "You wouldn't believe how many times that thing has accused me of stealing..." "IDK about you, but whenever I have to select produce, I pick the cheap one." "Did you know they use the security footage to make computers smarter?" "I heard xyz thing about smart cars." "They terk er jerbs!"
Don't lean into it too hard or be too technical. Set something up and let them do most of the talking. Then ask another question. Listen even if they are wrong. Use your expertise to guide them to what they already know, but don't actively think about. Everyone knows google spies on us or social media is harmful. Get them to think about how and why.
Getting as deep in the weeds as we are is definitely isolating, but when you approach things this way, you find you have more similarities with the average person than differences.
