This was a team effort.
If you use hydrogen it sounds funny and makes a great show when lighting the fart.
Literally yes. Then do nitrous oxide. And then sulphur hexaflouride.
Please always ensure whatever element you use has a stable base larger than the insertion point
make nickel yellow (some people are allergic) osmium will be probably covered by layer of toxic tetroxide, cadmium and tellurium are also decently toxic
e: i misremembered, but you still don't want to be around tellurium:
Humans exposed to as little as 0.01 mg/m3 or less in air exude a foul garlic-like odor known as "tellurium breath".[23][91] This is caused by the body converting tellurium from any oxidation state to dimethyl telluride, (CH3)2Te, a volatile compound with a pungent garlic-like smell. Volunteers given 15 mg of tellurium still had this characteristic smell on their breath eight months later. In laboratories, this odor makes it possible to discern which scientists are responsible for tellurium chemistry, and even which books they have handled in the past.[92]
selenium is a bit similar in this aspect
why is cerium yellow but other lantanides green, technetium is cheaper than you think (fission product) but it's also radioactive
plutonium and americium, and maybe uranium also should be blue, CIA would anal probe you for less
You're right, wikipedia prices are way outdated. Unenriched isotopes aren't blue 'cause I'm assuming they'd let you live.
Edit: I couldn't find the reason for that, someone just told me to make it yellow. Back to green it goes.
also make sulfur green, probably phosphorus too if not as white phosphorus
if you're splitting colours, expensiveness/unphysicalness of the thing is not related to actual danger, so you can indicate both things at once
For the nobel prize ones they'd all be purple with a couple red so I'm gonna avoid cluttering up the graph too much.
Not differentiated whether it's red, yellow or white phosphorus so it defaults to the hurty one lol
I cannot believe just how much time I spent looking at this .. for .. science.
I'd love to see the reasoning for each element. Most of them are obvious but I'm curious about some of them.
Are all the gasses dangerous because they'd have to be frozen to a solid? You could use them to pressurize a dildo-shaped envelope, though.
That's great! because a surprising amount of research was done (way more than anticipated). You will learn some crazy things by studying this. All elements are in solid form at STP so for the gasses that's in the range of -200 C. Someone suggested doing a version with liquid and gas enemas but you know? I'm just not that dedicated (yet)
My first thought was "why is nitrogen dangerous?" but I was thinking about it at room temperature or around 20C.
I know about decompression sickness (the bends) but I wouldn't expect that to be a problem at 1 atmosphere. Then I stumbled upon isobaric counterdiffusion and I wondered if that could happen from pumping any pure gas into the rectum at atmospheric pressure, since it'd be at a higher partial pressure than any gas in the tissue.
Yeah I think gasses in the rectum have several severe issues that liquids don't have. Mostly because liquids don't exert pressure. Could get pretty in-depth.
Here's some interesting ones that I don't think anyone's asked yet so far
The two CIA ones? Only elements with an unenriched isotope that can reach critical mass (and don't instantly disappear). You'd need only a few dildos to make a nuclear bomb. The anal probe and CIA disappearing is literal.
Borat is in this diagram
Starting with Potassium the Alkalis become basically explosive to water and get progressively more reactive. If you haven't covered it yet this is because their valence shells get weaker the heavier you go.
Hydrogen and Helium so far basically cannot exist in solid form at STP in any appreciable amount.
calcium, strontium and barium are also pretty reactive with water, and at any rate beyond hydrogen the other product (metal hydroxide) is corrosive
IMO, I'd count plutonium in the anal probe category. Enriched or not, it's gonna raise tons of red flags.
Buying that much uranium would probably just get your house raided by the FBI. If you told them what you were planning on doing with it, they might find it funny enough not to indict you but they probably wouldn't let you keep it.
You goin to Guantanamo but almost certainly alive. If you knew how to make quantities of Curium and Calorfinium though.. yeah you're dead or not coming out of a cardboard box.
Those lanthanides... are we not terming a lethal radiation dose as rectal damage?? Or are you assuming an ideal isotope?
I think the whole lanthanide row could use a review by an "expert". Sparse information on relative toxicity and relative radiated energy and immediate effects on mucus membranes. Someone still in school ask their prof and show them this diagram.
Right. Most stable isotope. Note that the green still says 'probably'... all bets are off.
I know it's totally not obvious but Rektal damage was meme for "you would probably die". Pretty sure 90% of these cause rectal damage.
Damn imagine putting mercury up there. I don't think your sphincter could hold it
The only reason it's red actually is because of burns and irritation to mucus membranes. It's far less dangerous than most. So yellow would probably make more sense.
Nitrogen and noble gases shouldn't be a problem either
I mean, yeah, you're right. I didn't take it as literally. The original comment said:
You can put oxygen up your ass though
That's what I was thinking about, just grab a gas cylinder and a hose, shove it up your ass and open the valve.
The assumption is that all elements are in solid form at STP and crumbly/unwieldly elements have a suitable binding agent. Or you know, determination I guess?
Hey man. I think the rules are kind of flexible here. I'm not the dildo police.
Edit: Personally I'd say 'binding agent' could mean the most pure alloy you can make a dildo out of.
Yeah but if we want to be scientific about it, we need rigorous definitions.
If it's resilient enough to survive hitting a toilet from three stories up, it's probably safe to put up your butt.
The seller's website does mention it's an alloy: https://shop.tungsten.com/tungsten-cube/
They don't say exactly which alloy but according to this page it's going to be 90-95% tungsten with the rest being nickel and either iron or copper: https://www.tungsten.com/material-info/tungsten-heavy-alloy-w-ni-fe-cu
