i can relate a lot to this feeling as a late-ish transitioner, but i do want to point something out that helps me sometimes - i hope you realise most cis women feel this way too! in our society the only good woman, is one who's young, white, fertile, skinny & able bodied. fat cis women are constantly told they're not good enough, not woman enough & same goes for racialised cis women & disabled cis women. if the idea of youth and womanhood is largely being used to reinforce white supremacist capitalist hegemony, then maybe not being a "normal" woman is totally fine? in fact the more different women there are out there the more amazing and beautiful women become as a whole imo

lots of love