A common binary trans consideration that I have the hardest time relating to as a non-binary trans person is a burning desire to pass as the gender that one identifies with.

I'm androgynous, and I continue to become more androgynous with time and pills. I don't want to change the way I wear my clothing, what hairstyle I have, or even how my body looks, in whatever ways I can modify it by choice, to fit into a mold of "passing." Of course, there's nothing wrong with desiring to pass as the gender you identify as, but it's a feeling that I cannot relate to at all. It's a common example of non-binary erasure that I witness because so many people think every trans person has themselves fixated on a single goal of passing, and so many people think that's what matters the most. It's odd to work around because passing means nothing to me, hence the title of me saying it's N/A.

I don't tie myself to the gender binary in any way, so there's no way I can tie myself to cisnormative concepts of what I want to "pass" as. I feel content with this internally, but it has raised a few concerns externally:

  • Getting Shoved into a Box: Unfortunately, some people just can't accept that some people reject the gender binary that many see as rigid. When I explicitly manifest my gender presentation as something outside of the binary, people can't leave it at that. People still must know "Are you a man or a woman?" somehow!
  • Being Misunderstood: This isn't just a cis people thing. I've encountered other trans people who have a hard time grasping my lack of interest in passing. It has oftentimes manifested maliciously, with some of them accusing me of denying a desire of pass simply because passing is challenging, which is interesting because the truth is that I simply have no desire to. Obviously, projection isn't a sound basis for a definitive claim, so it's fairly easy for me to reject this, as it speaks more on their unfortunate insecurities rather than it does on anything to do with me as a person.
  • Navigating Binary Standards: This is similar to the "Getting Shoved into a Box" point, but it's less about people and more about the things society has put in place as a result of the binary: bathrooms, clothing, healthcare, and definitely "legal" gender are all important things that refer to this category.

As you can see, this gets pretty damn frustrating. I always feel weirded out by how these norms matter so damn much to other people and the society that has been built, to a point where I can't simply be a vibin' androgynous enby.

Bottom line is this: being someone like me is the best way to properly grasp how bad people are at minding their own damn business.

  • WalrusDragonOnABike [they/them]@lemmy.today
    ·
    3 months ago

    I don't have an intrinsic desire to pass as some sort of cis person, but I do have external motivators like discriminating or people thinking I dressed a certain way because it's seen an a joke (just confusing people about my gender would perhaps be enough to fix that tho?). I'd rather society not be discriminatory or have gendered expectations at all, but that's a lot harder to achieve.

    • Angel [any]
      hexagon
      M
      ·
      3 months ago

      Fair point! For me, that's not so workable because shoving myself into passing in a binary role would be immensely distressing to a point where I absolutely would not and can not take it over presenting the way I truly want to.