Is it weird to be afraid of coming out to people you know aren't homophobic?
Like I know my friends won't hate me if I come out like my family will but the thought of it still makes me uncomfortable.
same. i have difficulty making myself vulnerable to people in general, and it feels like an extension of that.
Coming out isn't just getting through the wall of fear of direct homophobia. It's also getting through the wall of fear of loss of privilege that being assumed to be hetero-cis provides because anything that is not hetero-cis has an inherent lesser social status. Even without it, there's an internal barrier created because of the obvious risk that represents.
i would also add: there's a wall of trying to redefine who you are in everyone else's eyes. there is a real fear of judgement even from people who have nothing against gays. because even if they're ok with gays in general, they may have negative reactions or thoughts about you specifically being gay. you see this all the time with parents especially - they're ok with gays, just as long as it's not their own kids
I never came out, just watched my family and friends get increasingly confused as I grew a mustache and started dating guys and girls
To the fellow with autism who posted here and deleted their comment while I was mid-way through reading it - I wish I could have finished. I care about your experience but I respect your choice to decide not to share it.
Until I'm in a (stable) relationship there is nothing to gain and everything to lose from coming out to my family. Even if everything goes fine it's a massive unnecessary risk.
This is totally sentimental but: you are ready, it is your family that is not ready.
tough for me to come out as Bi when i ended up falling in love and marrying a woman anyway. I mean she and my closest friends know and I'll say it if it comes up but like i never posted about it on my social media except here.
edit- I'm a man btw
when? if it was yesterday oof i almost wanted to come out to some people
When I was younger, my sexuality was unclear even to me and the narrative around male bisexuality was so confusing that it wasn't even possible for me to come out to anyone. Wish I'd gotten the opportunity to feel solidarity with other queer people instead of just passing for straight all the time and feeling totally disconnected from that community of people.
This is making me think of two professors in my department when I was in grad school years ago. One was a very out and proud lesbian, one was a man who many people assumed was gay but was definitely not out. She pushed him to come out, frequently and publicly. It was so bad. Nobody every did anything about it and I felt so bad for him. Like, so maybe he's gay and he doesn't want to come out for some reason. Isn't that his right?
Yes it is, and fuck anyone who decides to out someone else like that.
