It sounds like you're very isolated where you're at, politically, sexually, religiously, socially. It sounds like you're suffering from a crisis of meaning.

No one has any inherent reason to exist; we have to find those things for ourselves. I don't know what it is, but you have to find something that gives you meaning. I'm not even talking about a larger political project necessarily. Volunteer work. A music scene. Finding a group to game online with. Something that gets you outside of yourself for a time.

Don't do it comrade. I hear that you're hurting, but give yourself some time. I wouldn't get a tattoo after thinking about it for just a week

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the lumpen/neet struggle is real no matter where you live. I feel like a fraud having opinions when I've never contributed to society. I know you've got some issues beyond that, but you're not alone as a lumpen.

I have been mocked, belittled and disregarded as a crazy fucking loser (been NEETing for 3 years now, I haven’t been able to find a job with my college degree, and my mental illness makes it hard for me to persist/commit to anything) who is simply bitter and lazy, and is anyways just living off his parents, and is not to be taken seriously.

I relate.

You seem morbidly fixated on collapse so I'll talk about that. There are many stresses in living in a decaying world, but I find some comfort in how world civilization has collapsed before and it wouldn't be all that unusual for it to happen again (though the length of this next potential dark age isn't predictable).

The Bronze Age ended with the collapse of every civilization except Egypt. It took a few centuries for the remnants of the destroyed world civilizations to eventually rise again through the smelting of iron. Here's a lecture about the Bronze Age collapse that I've found fascinating. Even if this world system falls completely apart, there's still a potential for something (albeit radically different due to climate circumstance) in the future.

Head up Comrade! You're not alone.

I used to live in Dubai so I understand the isolation you can feel as well as the disgusting surroundings you're around. It is not the place any person with a hint of Marxist ideals can live comfortably. I am totally unsure of your situation but try maybe and get out the city? Even for a day?

You're loved and wanted here comrade. Always remember the struggle is global, and we won't rest until everyone is liberated.

Engles was the Son of a Factory Owner, Marx was an intellectual who married a Countess, Kropotkin was a literal Prince. Trotsky was a wealthy Kulak, Lenin came from serfs that had clawed their way into University and wealth. Stalin was the son of a shoemaker.

None of these are workers, though the last is the lowest rank of the Petit Bourgeois.

So as a class traitor you're in pretty illustrious company.

Dubai sucks, it's the kind of hyper-Capitalist hellhole you only see in the imperial core in places like San Francisco and the London City District. You're in the position of a western communist organiser in 1830, and that's not a pretty place. But look what they accomplished.

There are comrades and orgs in Dubai, I can't help you get in contact with them for obvious reasons, unfortunately, but they exist from personal experience. Maybe if you look hard enough you'll find them. There are also charitable organisations in the region, you'll often find secular-minded left wingers doing things there.

You also seem to have close contact with workplaces, if the workers have issues, help them out in small ways. Even if you can only give them moral support out of earshot of your parents, that's an enormous moral boost for a country that doesn't allow unions.

You might also consider writing. An effort post here about the situation in the UAE from a local Marxist perspective is sorely needed, and I'm sure any number of comrades here would forward such an essay to local left wing publications. At the very least I would love to read it.

some of the things you mention about grappling with being embedded in a corrupt system have been things I have found matt's cushvlogs to be very helpful with the way he approaches that problem and alienation in general

latest one: VOTEBALL: DELENDA EST | CushVlog 02.01.21 | Chapo Trap House

if I can find a more specific clip that addresses what you said in the second to last pargraph I will update. also please stay with us!

As much as it sucks to be in the boots on the throat of the world. You are in the boot.

You know who else was in that same position? Fredrick Engles. Now, I am not saying comunism wouldn't exist without him turning class traitor. However it for sure helped.

Grow strong. Take over your fathers business and treat the employees better. Then do better because your employees are well fed and work extra hard because you are cocoperating. Buy a seccond business and turn the first one into a co-op.

Keep going till you can defect to cuba and make cool vlogs about about it.

The movement has enough unhappy people. We dont have many people with the resources as ability to do great praxis. You know why Hollywood writer failsons always write stories about the chosen ones to make them feel better about being successful due to fate? Watch a bunch of those till you feel better. Then go turn class tratior. We need good people like you on the inside.

If your parents are well off, can you ask them to ship you to another country with %x% dollars to your name, or to say you want a different degree blah blah and fuck off to australia/other country far enough/accepting enough?

Edit:like “I care about nature and wanted to become maritime biologist/ecology major or whatever, I feel this is not possible in this country blahblah”

I guess my situation is somewhat similar. I made a post some months ago that has some info. There's a little more to add, though:

The most ghoulish relative of mine personally knows even more ultra-ghouls, some of whom have been brought up here as exemplifying the total pieces of shit they are, if I wrote their names you'd recognize them immediately (not going into specifics cause I don't wanna doxx myself). So this person really likes to dine with his ghoul-companions, and they occasionally brought me along. Of course at first I wasn't old enough to think much about it, but eventually I started getting into left politics. I remember thinking I could kill whatever corporate ghoul was present at the occasion if I felt like it. How could I claim to be against these types of people as I looked them in the eye, shook their hands, sat across from them and shared a meal? I never said no because I had (and still have) extreme social anxiety and couldn't muster up the courage to do so. In hindsight, so much shit from my childhood was fucked up out of touch shit that most people can only ever dream of.*

I lived a privileged life with the people I supposedly despised, all the while dwelling on the sheet hypocrisy of it all, which sent me into a depression. I flirted with suicidal ideation, and I'm still not sure if it was "true" ideation or just me deluding myself into thinking it was. At this point it should be clear there's no redemption arc where I give away all material possessions and go live in a cave. I'm still able to lead a far more leisurely life than most people. The depression never went away, but I haven't relapsed into suicidal ideation (yet!). For me, a way of alleviating it is by using that free time to go out and do things that actually contribute to the community; volunteer work for example, where I made the first actual friend of my life. At least it gives life just a tidbit of meaning to it, which makes things just a little less miserable. I also took up a photographic hobby, and I find it highly enjoyable and it almost always lifts my mood. What you're going through sounds way worse than my situation, though, and I don't want to make this sound like "The One Simple Trick That Fixes Everything!", just thought I'd suggest some things.

Hang in there. I'd strongly encourage replacing doomscrolling places like r/Collapse with another activity. Don't let things that you can't control make you go full doomer. There are millions in this fight, fighting to keep the light at the end of the tunnel, however dim, alive. Channel the bad news into motivation to fight even harder instead of resigning yourself to hellworld. I try to do this and on a lot of days it just sounds hopelessly naive, but it does give me a few "good days" per month.

*Basically having like 3 servants in all but in name (they called them "helpers"), frequent trips to places like Paris, only staying in the best suites in the most opulent hotels, frequently dining in the private room of fancy restaurants where $2000 was considered chump change, etc. I can't believe how "normal" it seemed. I still recall a conversation with my parents where I was saying something about the one percent, and they said "[name], we are the one percent.", said completely without irony.

Well, I guess I'm not exactly the most relatable and easy to sympathize with character (not that I deserve any), but I hope I've made at least one helpful suggestion.

Even though I live in the UK and things are undoubtedly much better for me, I relate to you a bit.

I come from a pretty conservative family (my dad flirts with Nazism), am queer (mostly closeted), my family owns capital and I lived off the stolen labour because of trash mental health. Some of my friends are minimum wage workers in the family business. It's not a good feeling, and it's not one I would expect sympathy for. That's what radicalized me tbh, knowing full well what a piece of shit I am. Not that I'm saying you're a piece of shit, just that I am.

I was very suicidal for a long time, all I can really say about that is that it can change. Just stick around, please.

Besides, in a few years maybe you can move to NEOM, where all your dreams can come true /s

Hello there friend,

I work as a biologist, specifically restoration ecology, and I feel you on dwelling on the impending ecological and societal collapse aspect. I have worked first hand in ecosystems decimated by human impacts, some where the damage occurred in the past and some ongoing. It almost always feels like a losing battle and I’ve had days when my body felt like it was on fire due to feeling helpless. For example, I worked on ranchlands that are being decimated by cattle grazing. We all know it could restore itself just by removing the cattle but ranchers have a ton of capital and influence and you know the rest.

However, I’m always amazed by the resiliency of our planet. Ecosystems can be restored both in a biodiversity sense and also in a functional sense. They could also thrive in small pockets in the middle of a metropolis. Or you can remove the pressure which is damaging the ecosystem and it recovers on its own.

My point is, it’s very easy to get trapped and locked into feeling like doom is on us all the time. I just want to remind you, the ecology of the planet is wonderful and I have hope for it. Just as I have hope for humanity. You’re a testament to that hope. You’re a morally just person and you found it in a hellscape all by yourself. Don’t forget that you’re resilient too.

I extend my solidarity to you, comrade. There are a couple of things you must understand though; first you're not alone in your struggle, your struggle is your struggle yes but there are many people like you, fighting every day for a better world, for a just cause, so hang in there because remember, we're all comrades here, we're all fighting for each other wherever we are. Secondly, you must understand that certain things are completely out of your control, so don't let news from around the world drag you down. Injusticies are everywhere, and it's not your fault they exist and the things you can do about it are very very limited, so don't let it depress you, what I think you could do is reinterpret the world around you, understand that this shit is bad but don't go full doomer. People are going to suffer, a lot and for a long time still, but don't let it catch you because it'll literally kill you. Also remember, avoidance is not particularly healthy, it might help for a while but the problem persists, you're just ignoring it, reconfigure your brain so that when you receive the inevitable bad news you won't feel excessively bad about them. For example the world might look like a hellhole right now, but there are thousands and thousands fighting to destroy what's causing so much damage, so you understand that shit sucks BUT there's an army of people willing to sacrifice it all for everyone else, there's a lot of hope out there.

Stay as healthy as you can comrade, we all have each other here. :heart-sickle:

I’m in a very similar situation to you. brother. I haven’t figured out how to reach equanimity in life but talk to me if you need anything.