yeah, there's a slow sense of relief building as my brain adjusts to the reality that it's actually done, I did the thing I've wanted done since my earliest memories.
cheers and I hope you find the details helpful!
yeah, there's a slow sense of relief building as my brain adjusts to the reality that it's actually done, I did the thing I've wanted done since my earliest memories.
cheers and I hope you find the details helpful!
surgical/post-partum mesh underwear (disposable)
you're gonna be bleeding through gauze pads so don't ruin perfectly good underwear with blood, pus, discharge, etc.. make sure to get these 1-2 sizes larger than you normally wear because you're gonna be unbelievably swollen for a bit.
oversized undewear
once you're no longer bleeding through undies, it doesn't make sense to keep wearing disposable panties but your regular panties are invariably going to be way too tight and painful. make sure you have a pack of oversized undies for use until swelling goes down.
lube
you're gonna need a lot of this while dilating. after some research, it seems that lube like Good Clean Almost Naked (green tubes, you can sometimes find them in pharmacies or definitely online) does a better job of maintaining vaginal flora. that's important if you don't want to be douching for life and you're gonna be putting a lot of this stuff inside your body for the first few months. you will also need surgical (bacteriostatic) lube for the first week or so, while you might have open wounds internally.
post-partum cooling pads
these are disposable ice packs that go in your underwear, made for women who have just given birth. they do in fact need to be disposable because you're gonna bleed all over them. these are expensive so they're mostly only feasible for the first week or so post-surgery, when the swelling is at it's worst. get a reusable ice bag and fill it with ice to help with the swelling on the pubic mound.
wet wipes
dear god did I go through wet wipes quickly. cleaning yourself each time you use the bathroom is an exhausting experience and you really don't want to miss anything. you're also gonna be cleaning up a lot of blood, pus, mucus, and discharge so toilet paper ends up being too drying. wipes with witch hazel on them are especially nice because they keep everything feeling calm down there, even when there are semi-open wounds due to stitches dissolving before wounds have entirely closed.
gauze rolls
super important. these are way cheaper than menstrual pads when you buy them bulk and if you make a liner out of them by carefully layering the roll, you can expose a surface of clean gauze by rotating the bloody gauze to the back of the liner.
4x4 gauze pads
these need to be the kerlix type cotton weave that have a habit of sticking to things. cut one in half and stick it in between your vulva lips as a wound dressing and change it every time you pee, shower, or dilate. this way, you'll catch a lot of the discharge on the bit of gauze inside your vagina and get way more mileage out of your underwear liners (whether you're using gauze rolls or a menstrual pad). you can also cut these from a gauze roll if you get the appropriate type - this might be cheaper overall. the surgeon will instruct you explicitly to do this if you get wound separation or tissue necrosis but it's cut down so much on the speed with which I'm going through underwear liners that I think it's worth mentioning even in lieu of medical indication.
vaginal health probiotic
get a solid one to take after surgery. it'll be a while before your vag can support the normal flora that are supposed to be there (lactobacillus, mainly) that keep the canal slightly acidic and prevent all kinds of infections.
chux pads
especially important during dilation and also while you're still figuring out how to keep from getting discharge through your underwear. I manage to get a half-week out of each pad before it's consumed too much bloody lube to reuse so you'll need a bunch of these.
hibiclens
the surgeon's info packet lists this as an item to bring but the anesthesiologist gave me wipes to use at home the night before the surgery and then more wipes when I got to the hospital to do it all over again. so check with the surgeon's office to see if you actually need this.
donut pillow
hasn't been particularly useful for me but everyone says it's super helpful for sitting. maybe mine just sucks (the actual hole is smaller than the part of the body that's all swollen and painful) but it's been easier for me to stick a shirt/jacket under my tailbone or to sit cross-legged when there's enough space.
peri-peri bottle
fill with saline and spray down the surgery bits like you would for a piercing, in theory. in practice I haven't actually used it much because it's not healing like a piercing. even when there's bleeding, it's through stitches or from under healing skin, and being diligent about wiping everything clean with wipes and keeping up with careful maintenance of the dressings has been easier for me to coordinate, especially because the swelling makes it hard to actually open the lips and spray. I only have two hands! I'm also in the habit of hopping in the shower after bowel movements so it hasn't been helpful there either, but if you're not this may be useful for you as a hand operated bidet.
I'm not sure I've seen anyone actually describe their internal and sensory experience of what it's like to have a part of your body reconstructed, where the old parts are largely still present but in a radically altered configuration, and especially how that experience has evolved through the recovery process. so hopefully this sheds a little light for the curious, whether trans or cis.
when I woke up after the procedure, the surgical team had wrapped me in tight bandages, with a catheter inserted into my urethra so I didn't need to pee until after bandage removal. so my brain's machinations to maintain a coherent & consistent model of my moment-to-moment experience utterly fascinated me. I knew my penis was gone but most of the nerves involved were still telling my brain they were there and rather unhappy, whenever pain meds were inadequate. so while I couldn't see and touch my new parts, my brain just decided my dick was still there, just floating over the bandages. I didn't have the same problem with my scrotum as I could touch the outside of the bandages and feel my new labia minora. I've heard trans women describe this feeling as the world's worst tuck, but that's not really right for this version of the procedure. it didn't feel like my penis was now squished into my body. and because moving and triggering new sensations - especially after the bandages came off but while the swelling was too intense to allow access to my labia minora or clitoris - meant that I'd experience entirely contradictory sensations moment to moment, my brain amazingly tried to keep up by just teleporting my virtual penis around, still floating over and just inside my vulva. as the swelling came down, I was able to actually touch my inner labia, clit hood, and clit, and this mostly got rid of the floating penis sensation. but, y'know, I'm not sure my brain is quite ready to give up that ghost just yet. somehow, part of me is still convinced the old parts are still there - I'm reminded of this fact when I unconsciously move muscles in my pelvic floor that corresponded previously to movement in my old genitalia and now correspond to… I have no clue. but my automatic awareness still includes all of my old and new genitalia.
ok, sorry if I'm the only one who finds that utterly fascinating. brains are wild and however much we feel like we're in control of them, that our knowledge of the world guides our beliefs and actions, and that our experience is coherent and reliable, our unconscious and automatic minds can willfully ignore reality, however nonsensical the alternative.
and it's this shred of insanity my dysphoria now clings to, trying to trick me into forgetting that I remodeled my body to better suit who I am. remember, kids - dysphoria is a lying, insane bitch that's trying to destroy you. don't listen to her; kick her in the teeth, instead. eat your brain worms before they eat you.
logging in just to say eat my whole ass cissies 😎😎😎. https://hexbear.net/post/71063/comment/744962
I'm not even an anarchist and fuck all the way off with this shit.
heya, was going to send you a PM to say stay in touch but I can't. please do though!
I feel this so deeply. it pains me to my core. solidarity, comrade.
I wish you'd speak up about the ableism, friend. it's a subject I'm just not well enough informed on yet.
one of the more personal reasons I'm leaving is that I notice the same thing and it creates a duty for me to speak up, enmeshing me in too many pointless arguments with people who have no intention to reflect or hear criticism.
dude I am literally working day and night to keep people as safe as I possibly can, and safer if I can make it so through pure will. please stop being a condescending white dude online. this shit makes me hate coming to this site.
dude, stop replying to me. go the fuck away.
gee, I wonder if I might know something about that, why, and what's different about the plan this time.
once again, I remind you that you do not know what organizers are planning and please stfu with advice I do not welcome and did not ask for. I also understand my risks to my body and life much better than you do and am in a much better place to decide how best to use them given the information I have available. dear god I wish this site had a block button.
VERY REAL COUNTRY