Sprinkles extra spaces everywhere.

For my fanfiction, I always questioned how the Rats of NIMH could militarily defeat the United States.

I've been questioning that less and less.

Writing fan fiction is fun! You get to write about stuff like hypothetical industrial control software and geopolitics!

Citation's aren't JUST for obnoxious high school essays about careers! (Quick! Make sure the youth only equate life to selling their labor and excess value!) Their also for mediocre mobile phone game reviews! And fan fictions!

The sinking of the RMS Titanic, but it's the Rats of NIMH.

Call of Duty Black Ops, but it's the Rats of NIMH.

Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH, but it's the Rats of NIMH.

iPhone 10, but it's the Rats of NIMH. Alcatel Onetouch Pixi Glitz, but it's the Rats of NIMH.

Hexan, but it's the Rats of NIMH.

Oh yeah, because people are going to wear an almost 2 pound set of front heavy headphones in the future.

Why not just jail them for life? Wouldn't that be "worse" anyway?

Eh, good enough for me.

Yep, gets water plenty hot real fast!

Spider Solitaire

"I know! I'll post some crap on the internet!"

It's the death barrier treyarch installed to prevent players from noclipping out of the map.

Also, periodically clean the filters in your dish washer.

Ugh, I fucking HATE tupperware. Especially washing them!

Kettle. Electric Kettle.

Why hasn't he been assassinated yet?

"Jerry Mouse Rat Life Simulator"

-Abstract- These "bottom of the barrel" indie mobile phone games don't HAVE to be terrible! This one is more of an outlier.

Most of them are just "okay". Many of the minecraft clones fall into this.

But sometimes you get a dev thats both from the nazi shitfest that is Ukraine, doesn't release literal TRASH, and gets BETTER over time! Yep, I'm talking about Avelog!

Granted, Avelog's games are also ad ridden, but they atleast have engaging gameplay, and arn't riddled with object collision based glitches.

In this """"review"""" I'll actually be referencing Avelog's Mouse Simulator, as I suspect this game takes """"inspiration"""" from the original.

Oh boy, where do we start?

The "start screen" is the scene of a beach with a rat on a rock, constantly twerking and slowly rotating clockwise.

Next up is the skin selection screen, with our skin options being:

-Dark gray demon rat -Jeff, the party man -Susan, who has unfortunately lost her texture at home and is now a pitch black obelisk -The man with the plan

Already, we appear to be taking the skin player models from Avelog's Mouse Simulator, rendering them on a Voodoo 3dfx, bringing them BACK into the world of OpenGL, and stretching them out.

All four are fucking HIDEOUS!

But, whatever. Lets keep going.

So apparently this is some sort of flash game level thing? What? This is a supposed simulator! Why isn't it an open world thing?

We have 18 levels of flaming fuckness to play through. All have an objective and a time limit. Yes. A time limit. Because FUCK YOU!

The level loading screen has a Ratata from Pokemon, and the game plays that god AWFUL music you find in those content farm videos on youtube. It's also on full blast and loops in an unnatural manner. Also, the sound settings dialog softlocks the game and doesn't save.

Like, come ON! If your game is going to do copyright infringement, atleast make the game decent! Fuck...

The controls are ass, the graphics look like ass (And are still intensive enough to heat the iphone up (Yes, you android users lucked out this time! This gem is an App Store exclusive!), so it looks like a PS2 game and STILL drains your battery.), the map is some strange mish-mash that makes NO sense, and there are multiple points in the map where: there are no textures, holes in the collision planes on the mountains where you can conveniently walk out of bounds, get stuck in crap, you just casually jump off the edge of the world;

The "jump off the edge of the world" was, legit, the FIRST thing I did first time. I genuinely had NO idea what to do and decided to see if that was possible.

But it's not just YOU that can disobey the laws of physics! Conveniently the enemies that you have to kill can phase though solid matter where you can't reach them! Did I mention the time limit?

A few levels have the insides of a house (no, JUST the inside! Yes, it looks just as ugly as you could imagine!) half-assedly placed in the map, complete with weeds clipping through the floor.

After each level the game loads a full screen video ad (thank GOD for DNSCloak!), the pause menu has a place with ads, you can only heal using coins for most levels.

And the best part? The past few levels are the same "Run around the map and frantically tap attack at the enemies BITCH" material. No, it is NOT engaging. Infact, its more tedious and annoying then washing the dishes.

Now how does the source material compare?

Mouse Simulator: Open world map, you go, collect shit, level up, get laid and have children, and build stuff (statues that give the player perks).

Its shallow, ad riddled, and the insomnia mechanic is 100% just a way to get the player to see more ads, but its INFINITELY more engaging then this CRAP.

Hell, there are multiple reviews of people that put serious hours into it!

Personally, I've actually completed the game multiple times, found nifty thinks like getting ontop of the TV stand and climbing walls, decompiled it, gave it a good wack using Game Gardian, and even was inspired to create Mouse Simulator 2D. All because I genuinely ENJOY the game!

In conclusion: FUCK this game, fuck it to HELL, and go play Avelog's stuff instead. Just, make sure you have DNSCloak installed and running.

Currently on "the autist's special" van to god knows what "special needs centric" event.

The 1st person wears furry stuff in public and has mentioned "different types of witches". Apparently christian witches are a thing?

I thought I was weird, with the whole "autistic twat" thing. Down the flaming sewers of fuckness we go!

Also, isn't the "van the disabled to places" a way to prevent us from having freedom of transportation? Atleast here in the US?

The other two that are more "socially awkward"? More relatable tbh.

So... yeah, I don't know what to take from that.

Patches stuff like ads out of android software. Questionable, but still more trustworthy then google's crap.

Pretty much the ONLY ads I'll tolerate are those from lucky patcher. They may be annoying, but hopefully the people behind it get atleast a FEW cents.

Also, I hate modern android.