it's all situational and specific to your personality. for instance, my idea of flirting is to do something clever+amusing and then leave abruptly, never answering any calls, texts or emails from anyone, ever. this creates an air of mystery.
I call this strategem "the one that got away".
Strange, I dont remember registering a second account or posting this ...
Get the biggest condom you can find, come to the person you want to flirt with, drop the condom near them and say this phrase: "Oh whoops, I dropped my monster condom that I use for my magnum dong"
it works every time
Learn to enjoy being around others and listening to them.
It's a strong basis for eventuallytalking to people and engaging with their interests in a meaningful way. I find even 'boring' people are really endearing when you see them express things they care about, and its a good basis for 'flirting'.
The fact you already post on a left forum implies you likely have a higher than baseline level of empathy, and this is a good key to talking with anybody in any context, flirting or not. Listneing successfully helps you figure out exactly what you enjoy about people, and then it helps you explore that fully with that person/another that exhibits traits you enjoyed and connect with more.
Listening in a real way helps side-step any sorts of advice which relies on you forcing yourself to be outgoing and witty if that isn't how you normally carry yourself. I'm a big talker and I think quickly on my feet so a lot of people attribute most of my dating success to being outwardly charming that way but I have alway felt the real basis for it was in listening and connecting with others.
It helps you avoid forcing relationships or awkward/unwanted moments too, and I see it as a good safety net: it's really easy to say the right things to people when you know what they like and how you relate to that. Listening effectively is a super key component of flirting. I can flirt with granola left ladies, princessy types, introverted nerdy types etc etc rather easily because it just becomes a question of finding what they appreciate doing/saying and accurately trying to engage with these interests.
If you don't 'know your audience', what could be very charming with one person can be absolute dog shit with others.
Like atm I am involved with a woman that's real big on banter and insults and doesn't handle displays of affection/compliments well, so once I realised that and listened to the pattern of it all, I am now able to say really sweet and caring things to them which otherwise looks like open hostility... if I couldn't listen to her in the first place, I'd have never connected with her if I was trying to 'flirt like normal'. And she knows she's atypical that way, so she also listens well and compliments me for figuring out how to truly engage with her.
I was once told I should give a class on how to consensually bully/dom leftist ladies and this would basically be the core of the class.
It's a very small step from really listening to a person, finding out their interests, treating them with decency by engaging with them along those lines, supporting their aspirations... and them surprising you at the door wearing a dog collar and nothing else but a bunch of leather straps that cover literally nothing.
:soviet-bashful:
Like it seems one of my exes is a cracking egg with a cuck queen kink, and she tells me she dreams about watching me fuck some woman and making fun of her, before we double team the other lady. Thankfully, she lives in the same place as a lady that appreciates me and wants me to spit on her and show her off to others, so the future looks pretty good once I can get out there again!
:panting: :panting: :panting:
I never forced any weird sexual talk or tension with them, it all started because I have always listened to them and cared for them and they feel safe around me, and they gradually escalated the level of flirting/connection. Now there's a chance for us all to establish some left unity between anarchists and communists in a wild, post-covid writhing mass together!
:left-unity-2:
Like even now with them being rather explicit about these desires, most of the time I am still just asking them about their days, sending them things that remind me of them, just normal conversation really.
Yeah it took me embarrassingly long to understand that "just treat pretty women like human beings."
Thankfully I was given a bit of a leg up on that by only having sisters around me growing up, and seeing how fucking crushed they'd be when a dude just hollowly hounds them to fuck or drops any and all relationship with them when they find out that's not going to happen. I myself am not perfect at avoiding all of these things in some ways but it's really been lessened by seeing how much they'd be affected when someone they thought was a 'friend' just bounces from their lives forever.
My bigger issue was a lot of influence from my father and grandfather, who were both massive 'ladies men'. So I inherited an easy ability to drum up conversation and speak to women and a lot of expectations, but it took a lot of years of self-crit whenever I felt like I was becoming too much like a shitty guy this way, and straying from really listening and appreciating someone for who they are. It's a constantly ongoing process too because as it's evident to see I am a pretty hornt up dude, but I think I keep it mostly in check in person by being constantly horny online instead.
PS: fuck the volcel police, lumpenhornytariat forever!
:stalin-young:
So I inherited an easy ability to drum up conversation and speak to women and a lot of expectations
I had this experience too. People would say "Math, you're a funny guy! Why don't you have a gf?" Eventually I realized that I could get people to like me through jokes and charm, but I really didn't have many people that knew me. Jokes came naturally enough to me that it became a defense mechanism. Being funny to avoid any amount of vulnerability. Eventually girls would see through the facade, that I was offering nothing deeper than the surface level.
I don't know how that translates to your experience, but for me that was a step I remember. I was a nice enough person to be friends with, but I needed to grow a little more to become a person somebody would actually want to date.
In my (especially) awkward years in high school, I had no trouble getting the interest of women but would often find myself at an impasse where I was like 'oh fuck, now what?' The charm would lead to some really wild situations and then the body-image/self-worth issues would take over and I'd freeze up when it counted. So I definitely affinate with that 'seeing through the facade/surface level' part because when I was like 15-16 women would have some big expectations that I couldn't yet back up at the time.
Once my school had some raffle to give away roses to people in an assembly(which in retrospect is pretty fucking weird for a school system to facilitate amongst their kids), and as they were doing the last spin to pull a name out of the tumbler I just KNEW I'd be called. I actually was called up and had to give a rose away to someone and speak to the school over a microphone(see? wtf?). I had recently started hanging out with this beautiful dutch immigrant with a butt so big you could see it from the front :mos-def: :yassin-bey: / cheerleader, so I cracked some jokes and gave it to her. Normally we would just crack jokes in our classes and go for walks with each other and other basic cutesy stuff. I think at most by that time, I had held her hand in homeroom, lol... Her whole upper body turned beet red when she accepted in front of everyone, and after the assembly/school, she invited me to her place. She was super touchy and we'd wrestle, and she essentially joked about innuendos for sucking me off, and yet I froze up entirely and didn't even kiss her?!?! Like clearly she was into it all, but I just felt like I was super 'out of my league' because she was so hot and I'd heard from the older brother of my friend how they hooked up and she was a freak.
So I felt really shook by hearing that, built up weird assumptions, felt inadequate for no reason and she quickly lost interest after that. Definitely one of my worst cases of offering nothing to someone on the level they were hoping, getting disappointed, and seeing things as they were.
So it's not exactly the same way of being exposed, but it also leads me to other good advice for people trying to figure this out, in that you really have to ditch so many assumptions.
about 'flirting', what is/isn't 'a date', others being 'out of my league', etc... About all these expectations you feel like are present but don't really correspond to any actual experiences between you and the other person. If I knew that at that time and just been relaxed by realising what she and I actually had going together, I'd have been in lusty teenage heaven. But instead, I was still seeing things in the artificial silo of dating/flirting/leagues etc and that fucked things up.
She was super touchy and we’d wrestle, and she essentially joked about innuendos for sucking me off, and yet I froze up entirely and didn’t even kiss her!!! Like clearly she was into it all, but I just felt like I was super ‘out of my league’ because she was so hot and I’d heard from the older brother of my friend how they hooked up and she was a freak.
Oh god that brings me back to an awkward "almost" except I was in college so it's even worse. We were literally hanging out in her bed watching Friends, even her roommate knew what I was invited over for. Then I blew it cuz I never made the move. You get caught up in "what am I supposed to do, I hope I don't screw it up" . Literally the only thing I could do to screw it up was what I did and that was not make a move.
"could you BE any more clueless?!"
all stale friends references aside, that really does hit too close to home. It happened to me a few more times around the same period as the other story, but eventually I pushed through that mental block and things got waay easier after that.
When I was in someone's basement and we fell off the couch from awkward teenage makeout manoeuvres while watching Contact I realised something along the lines of like 'oh, awkward stuff is actually pretty funny and not a deal-breaker when you work through it together!' because we just got back into it once I helped her up.
Awkward shit is actually really endearing in a space where you both feel good around each other!
She was super touchy and we’d wrestle, and she essentially joked about innuendos for sucking me off, and yet I froze up entirely and didn’t even kiss her!!!
OMGGGG this brings back memories. My first workplace. Cute girl there was flirting with me every time she was around me and I had no idea why. Hung out with her at my apt where we drank beer and play wrestled.
Didn't kiss her.
Looking back, I wish I could go back in time and slap myself for being so clueless. But that's all part of the learning phase, I guess.
Yeah, you pick up a very specific L, and that helps you figure something out in the future along those lines.
Like once in my early 20s, an old crush dating back from elementary school(!!) had moved downtown and came over to my place to drink.
She was talking about her legs being sore after work(lifeguard), so she did some yoga poses/stretches while I watched, and later placed her legs across my lap... I didn't do a thing lol.
Realised how stupid that was, and the next time some lady was bending and doing yoga at my place I joined in and we did couples stretches and had mutually one of our hottest nights ever! After realising how stupid it was to miss out on the signal the first time, I knew what to do the second time around... it's all a learning experience on how to be comfortable around people in most situations
That is not entirely your fault. Treating anyone like a human being and not like a means to an end goes against the predominant ideology under capitalism.
Well now, aren't you endearingly flustered...
the thread is getting too meta, be on the lookout for the volcel police.
hope you've been eating better lately!
:volcel-police: :volcel-judge: :volcel-police:
Honesty is really the best policy.
Plus it makes it really fun when women think they're immune to it all just because they know what's coming.. only for them to be totally into it despite it all. People don't know what to do when they're pushed on the back foot, other than feel good!
:af-heart:
I may have cucked a white supremacist or two by showing their partners basic human empathy and a desire to bury my face in their thighs for a prolonged period of time....
You tell me!
Right?
And number 3 is usually ethnic minorities / indigenous people, so that just makes it all worse for them.
Their loss is my gain, nothing like having a pair of beautiful thighs wrapped around my head, except making insecure white supremacists feel bad while making others feel good!
are you one of those guys who wants to be crushed like a melon?
I don't want it exactly, in that I don't particularly like pain done to me as much as the reverse... but I am definitely one of those guys that absolutely adores making women lose their shit and get all squirmy and loud and lost in the moment, and those two things usually go hand in hand.
So while I enjoy the sensation of that, I do also enjoy just strapping down people's thighs so I can do things properly without interruption. I like some painful things done to me, but not specifically that kind!
to answer your question tho, I've mostly just been eating at supper.
I had a cupcake yesterday though.did you mean to reply to me...or did you mean to leave a regular comment? ._.
I was going to reply to the other comment you left, but then you made a new one.
Hey, eating anything sounds like an improvement from a while back so that's good.
I hope the cupcake was delicious and you had a fun burst of energy from all the sugar!
I've been trying to lose some covid weight and so far I've lost like 10kg, but I think later tonight I am gonna have the last slice of some home made apple pie and ice cream, just as a reward for being more active today than yesterday! Probably gonna take a nice walk after the pie, just so all that sugar gets put to some good use
It’s not like I was doing it on purpose...I just forgot to or couldn’t bother to for three days. >.>
I mostly just felt guilty tbh
What is a kilogram, speak American pls.
No need to feel guilty, and all flirting aside it is good knowing things are a bit better for a comrade lately. Gotta be healthy for when that revolution comes!
10 kgs would be like 22 lbs. So I have lost about half my covid weight in the last month, mostly by walking on my breaks at work.
Really looking forward to running and biking and playing sports again soon though.
y-yeah I’ll definitely be fighting in a revolution haha >>
Good job!
Someone on here mentioned intermittent fasting awhile ago so I’ve been trying that.What kind of sports?
Yeah I've heard some good things about that method too! I hope it keeps working out for you
I mostly like soccer, but I'm not really at my peak for it rn and it gets played on the weekends here when I am mostly busy working on a cabin or something, so I was figuring by next week I'll try playing basketball 1-2x a week, and then when the weather gets real good i might just go back to running/cycling outside, and practicing shooting for either sport. Right now it's still snowing heavily here, but the snow is too soft to snowshoe so I mostly have to find things to do in the gym until then!
it's snowed lightly here like a week ago, but it all melted and didn't need to be shoveled.
I feel like I live in a snowglobe, except my snowmen keep melting :/
in hindsight, I probably shouldn't have named him Melty the Snowman..
⛄ ⛄ ⛄
Carry a large bag of cheese with you at all times. When you see a potential mate, hit them with "Hey good lookin'. Want some cheese?" Works every time. :pete:
"Any amount of cheese, before a date, is too much cheese!"
-noted dating and relationship expert, Dennis Reynolds, founder of the DENNIS system
The less you read about it, the better imho. It boils down to chemistry and social skills. To me, it's just something that happens between two people that have chemistry. I think trying to force flirting is when it gets cringy. Successful flirting is just advancing and developing sexual tension. That doesn't work if one person isn't into it.
I've been trying for years to make my natural fluster endearing. It's hard work.
Don't know what do you call flirting, and it might heavily depend on the context but "hey, do you wanna [go to X / have a drink / etc] with me" is obvious enough for everyone to get your intentions while being ¿"polite" is the word? and they have chance to decline in a nice and polite way.
I guess it's harder if you aren't sure the other person sexuality. I mean, in your case, if you wanna flirt with a dude, but turns out he's hetero he might just think you wanna hang out with him.
"Hold on RNAi, then how do you just befriend someone, say in your case, a hetero woman?" I put less emphasis in the "with me" part, or I probably already told them I'm on a relationship, or something like that. Anyways, I don't usually make new friends, I'm busy being angry at god and sharing memes.
Anyways, I don’t usually make new friends, I’m busy being angry at god and sharing memes.
That's cool, can I be your new friend?
Don't look for reading material because it's gonna fry your brain. It is one of these things that you really shouldn't even attempt to read any of the horrible drivel people publish. It's a social activity so it is best learned socially. "Flirting" isn't even a separate skill really, it's the same skills as other social interactions.
Also for me it's kinda worked to say stuff that is slightly weird but also somewhat interesting to tilt people.
fully agree. For some people, it comes naturally. For me, it did not. I've gotten good (well, better than I was) at flirting and at general social interactions, by practicing. It's a skill you can build. Learn by doing.
You learn by doing and also by communicating with friends. Friends is the most important part always.
Fully agree. I was platonic friends with girls for years before I ever learned to flirt well.
And honestly, if you can walk up to some random dude, strike up a good convo with him, and then become friends, it isn't fundamentally different from doing that to a girl and then getting a date with her.
It's just comedy with a little romantic edge or implication. Teasing sometimes, but this can go to far, and you may piss the other person off. Physical contact if you're sure the other person would be okay with it.
Its really not something you can follow any guides for. You just gotta keep trying at it a bunch until you get a feel for it. But being/feeling attractive helps so work out and get on a diet if you haven't already.
Smile, be nice, make casual conversation until you find a topic you share some interest in, and don't overdo it. Going over the top with flirty stuff right off the bat freaks a lot of people out.
Just remember you're talking to another person. If you have a future together you'll find a natural connection that makes everything a little easier. One of the toughest lessons I had to learn about dating was that when talking or flirting feels like an uphill climb it's not necessarily because you're bad it it, it's more about chemistry.
Haha I feel you on that. I would never catcall a woman but I have to admit, if I was walking down the street and some lady looked at me and made a comment about my ass or something it would make me smile. I try to be unaggressive and approach it more like a conversation than flirting at first. Some people like to be flirted with a bit more directly but it's better to start more casually in case they don't.
Talking to another person doesn't mean talking to another person that is the same as you, it just means that you shouldn't treat them as some kind of machine where you input your flirt bux and then hopefully it works.
Practice by doing that thing where you look at a cat and then look away just as the cat notices you looking at it, but then you and the cat take peeks at each other and you both kind of have this standoff until the cat comes over.
This is my real, sincere advice.
