It Is Journalism’s Sacred Duty To Endanger The Lives Of As Many Trans People As Possible
www.theonion.com
The task of reporting is not a simple one. Each and every day, reporters and editors at publications like The Onion make difficult decisions about which issues should receive attention, knowing that our coverage will influence not only how people think, but also how they act. This responsibility is at the core of an…
  • HarryLime [any]
    ·
    2 years ago

    “Quentin” is a 14-year-old assigned female at birth who now identifies as male against the wishes of his parents. His transition was supported by one of his unmarried teachers, who is not a virgin. He stole his parents’ car and drove to the hospital, where a doctor immediately began performing top surgery on him. Afterward, driving home drunk from the hospital, Quentin became suicidally depressed, and he wonders now, homeless and ridden with gonorrhea, if transitioning was a mistake.

    We just made Quentin up, and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean stories like his aren’t potentially happening everywhere, constantly. Good journalism is about finding those stories, even when they don’t exist. It’s about asking the tough questions and ignoring the answers you don’t like, then offering misleading evidence in service of preordained editorial conclusions. In our case, endangering trans people is the lodestar that shapes our coverage. Frankly, if our work isn’t putting trans people further at risk of trauma and violence, we consider it a failure.

    Goddamn. Perfect.

    For more evidence of our time-honored journalistic commitment to endangering lives, please see our previous coverage of gay people, immigrants, Black people, and women.

    :chefs-kiss:

    • Zuzak [fae/faer, she/her]
      ·
      2 years ago

      The only part of the parody that doesn't track to actual reporting is that they used Quinton's preferred pronouns.

    • Wertheimer [any]
      ·
      2 years ago

      Is that :who-must-go: to the right of Ted? I can't make out many of the others. Other than the immortal T. Herman Zweibel, of course.

  • Quimby [any, any]
    ·
    2 years ago

    The Onion simply does not miss.

    America's Finest News Source :rat-salute-2:

    • Wertheimer [any]
      ·
      2 years ago

      "We stand behind our recent obsessed-seeming torrent of articles and essays on trans people, which we believe faithfully depicts their lived experiences as weird and gross."

  • turgidanklebrace [none/use name]
    ·
    2 years ago

    For context, this was likely partially precipitated by a contributors letter to the NYT, that they are pointedly ignoring.

    https://nytletter.com/

    • Azarova [they/them]
      ·
      2 years ago

      They didn't ignore it, they published an opinion pieice "In Defense of J.K. Rowling" the day after and release a response effectively saying "fuck you" to everyone who signed the letter https://erininthemorn.substack.com/p/i-signed-a-critical-nyt-trans-letter

    • DoubleShot [he/him]
      ·
      2 years ago

      “There aren’t really any statistics or information out there suggesting this is a problem, but I just have a gut feeling that some facts exist supporting my hatred of drag brunches.”

      Conservatives in a nutshell.

    • Evilphd666 [he/him, comrade/them]
      ·
      2 years ago

      “I went to a show once and it was incredible. She had a voice like an angel. Sounded exactly like Whitney Houston. When I found out afterward that she had been lip-syncing, I felt completely betrayed.”

      :data-laughing:

  • ElGosso [he/him]
    ·
    2 years ago

    What if doctors are climbing through windows to suture penises to sleeping cheerleaders?

    :data-laughing: