My mom thinks that Eleanor Roosevelt and Lyudmila Pavlichenko were secretly a couple.

  • HiImThomasPynchon [des/pair, it/its]
    ·
    edit-2
    2 years ago

    The man we know as Tony Hawk is a CIA plant, tasked with making skateboarding cool with teenagers. Said teenagers injure themselves skateboarding, requiring prescriptions of opioid painkillers, thereby boosting sales for decades to come.

    The real Tony Hawk died in 1982.

    • Azarova [they/them]
      ·
      2 years ago

      All the "hey, you look like tony hawk" stories he has are actually people catching on that something isn't quite right :stress:

    • chris_pringle [he/him]
      ·
      2 years ago

      in a different direction, skateboarding was invented to keep teenagers from doing drugs because too many white kids were getting arrested

    • RION [she/her]
      ·
      edit-2
      2 years ago

      That's the red herring, he's actually in the pocket Qunol and big turmeric

      • HiImThomasPynchon [des/pair, it/its]
        ·
        2 years ago

        It doesn't. The CIA knew better than to get Tommy involved because he would never shut up about it.

        The CIA definitely faked the 900 tho. Think about it: do you know any skaters who can pull it off?

        • Redcuban1959 [any]
          ·
          2 years ago

          "Yeah, i work... I worked with the CIA... AND MY MOM IS REALLY PROUD OF IT!"