I HATE SHITTING

Every time I shit, it's fucking agony. It takes 10 minutes MINIMUM! EVERY SINGLE TIME!!! It hurts and it smells fucking disgusting. It's all sticky and smells like death and basically the consistency of fucking Elmer's glue mixed with crushed up glass.

I use up what feels like half a roll of toilet paper every time. It's like there's an endless feces sharpie just behind the ass opening. Takes fucking forever to get clean. And don't tell me to get a bidet I will never foul my home with something so vile as a french invention.

I do all the right things, I eat vegan and healthy only, I keep hydrated, I drink probiotic tea once in a while for all the good it does me and my smug asshole doctor still has the audacity to say my digestion is healthy for all intents and purposes. Oh mister smart doctor man who spent what I make in 15 years to get a fancy piece of paper, is it healthy to have to wipe so much you have nearly constant hemorrhoids? Fucking idiot doesn't know what the hell he's talking about.

Anyway, I'm posting this on a throwaway because I don't wanna be known as that weirdo that hates shitting.

Take this post as you will. PEACE

  • Puffin [any, they/them]
    ·
    4 years ago

    Do you ever wish that you hand Danny Phantom powers so you could make your body intangible and just let the poop fall right out?

  • ButtBidet [he/him]
    ·
    4 years ago

    Stress so totally affects your pooping. So my advice is to overthrow capitalism.

    Also toilet water sprayers are amazing. You don't even need the expensive Japanese version. Decent ones go for like $20-$30 on Amazon. (see my username)

  • Wmill [they/them]
    ·
    4 years ago

    Born to shit, forced to wipe. Rip all that toilet paper.

  • Aryuproudomenowdaddy [comrade/them]
    ·
    4 years ago

    Man just invest in a bidet. You think you're better than the French when they regularly take to the streets and set shit on fire?

    • 4_AOC_DMT [any]
      ·
      4 years ago

      seriously

      my gut reaction when I was given the suggestion was disgust as well but it has changed my life

      I used to have itching and bleeding hemorrhoids after every poop, I had to use some kind of hemorrhoid drug if I wanted any relief (I alternated between witch hazel and hydrocortisone, but chronic hydrocortisone use is supposed to be super bad) so when I got desperate I got a bidet

  • Spike [none/use name]
    ·
    4 years ago

    See a different doctor. It is very likely you have some pathology going on. You might need a colonoscopy.

  • HarryLime [any]
    ·
    4 years ago

    You may not be getting enough fiber in your diet. You can make a simple green smoothie with kale or spinach with flax seeds in the ingredients, as well as just generally eating more green vegetables. That might make shitting easier.

  • Melenkor [he/him,any]
    ·
    4 years ago

    I try to only shit at work and I think it's really improved my bowel movements.

  • Cromalin [she/her]
    ·
    4 years ago

    I have had diarrhea for over 2 months, my ass is just constantly bleeding, and it takes a month to schedule a colonoscopy. I'm just so tired.