• electerrific [none/use name]
    ·
    2 years ago

    Faaaaake.

    Men get a tiny number of replies on dating apps, bot or no. If he did have an actual bot, it would be worth serious money and probably be banned from all the dating apps quickly. They make their money from desperate, lonely men.

    • kristina [she/her]
      ·
      2 years ago

      100%, this is totally fake or an ad. So many technbros love to act like geniuses when they type some basic shit into ChatGPT or something and claim to have programmed something

      • zifnab25 [he/him, any]
        ·
        2 years ago

        I mean, its theoretically real, in so far as dating apps really are just a numbers game and engagement by volume is the only real winning strategy.

        But in practice, this just seems like a Revenge of the Nerds screenplay rip-off. "Oh no! I've accidentally geniused myself into dates with two different prom queens ON THE SAME NIGHT?! I hope we don't get into any sexy mix-ups as I try to date them at the same time."

        Either way, it just seems to illustrate how awful and alienating online dating is for everyone involved.

        • UlyssesT [he/him]
          ·
          2 years ago

          The greybearded sex pest nerds of the present, Gen-X ones in particular, adapted that movie's ideology in the worst possible way and keep applying it in their day to day lives as middle management.

    • GoebbelsDeezNuts [any]
      ·
      2 years ago

      I remember the one time I used Tinder I figured I'd just swipe right on anyone and everyone and see what happened. I figured I can't afford to be picky or whatever and that's not fun anyway let's see what happens. I probably swiped hundreds of times, and only ever got like 3 or 4 matches. At least 1 of which was not a human.

      I did match with one woman who told me she as a communist, and we talked for a while and then she just stopped responding. :deeper-sadness:

      • ZoomeristLeninist [comrade/them, she/her]M
        ·
        2 years ago

        dating apps have an ELO-like ranking system. if someone swipes right on you, ur ranking goes up, if you swipe right but they dont swipe right back, ur ranking goes down. if you swipe right on everyone ur tanking ur ranking. start a new account and be pickier. put effort into taking flattering pics of urself and have some friends of various genders and orientations give you feedback on ur pics and bio.

        • GoebbelsDeezNuts [any]
          ·
          2 years ago

          dating apps have an ELO-like ranking system.

          I hate everything.

          Also thanks for the tip, at this point I'm kinda over dating and I just interact with people IRL and whatever happens happens.

          • ZoomeristLeninist [comrade/them, she/her]M
            ·
            2 years ago

            https://www.help.tinder.com/hc/en-us/articles/7606685697037-Powering-Tinder-The-Method-Behind-Our-Matching

            they mention they don't use "Elo" but that doesnt tell us anything. competitive video games dont use "Elo", they use a proprietary algorithm that functions similarly to Elo. from the information on this link, it seems they use swipe data to determine who you see and who sees you (analogous to Elo) but they also use data from ur pics and bio to run through a matching algorithm (Gale-Shapley). its not as rigid as Elo and probably doesnt have discrete "ranks", but it has Elo-like properties

          • booty [he/him]
            ·
            2 years ago

            it doesn't stand for anything because it isn't an acronym and shouldn't be in all caps like that. it's named after Arpad Elo, the guy who made the system (for chess)

        • NPa [he/him]
          ·
          2 years ago

          if you know the tech

          spoiler

          pissing your pants 10 frames before shaking hands on the first date

          you can clip out of bounds in the first seconds of a conversation, giving you a way to skip the "introduction" stage and skip straight to the breakup sequence. Unfortunately this can soft-lock you if you get bad RNG on the breakup.

        • CetaceanPosadist
          ·
          2 years ago

          :jokerfication:

          my biggest tech discovery was realizing all of the apps seem to give you a boost after a certain time of decreased activity that seems like it scales with how much the activity decreases. so the strat becomes swiping frequently for a week or two and then not using it for a month or two. i get no likes until a couple months go by and suddenly i'm getting a handful every week for a bit. it also seems like if you don't match with the people who are liking you then it boosts you further, presumably to try and get you a match to keep you on the hook

          :jokerfied:

        • kristina [she/her]
          ·
          2 years ago

          i got 3000 messages over 3 months

          vast majority was just insanity. like asking me to come give them a blowjob at 3am, asking me tell them my address so they can come over at 3am, death threats, and so on. i went on maybe 5-8 dates total, all those guys were socialists but we werent compatible for various reasons

          did find my bf eventually but jesus was it a pain in the ass. whats wild is my bf is like 10/10 smoking hot with bulging abs and he would only get messages from 50 year old divorcees

            • kristina [she/her]
              ·
              2 years ago

              i really dont see how people find me attractive. im of the opinion that straight men will fuck anything that is vaguely hourglass shaped

          • GoebbelsDeezNuts [any]
            ·
            2 years ago

            vast majority was just insanity. like asking me to come give them a blowjob at 3am, asking me tell them my address so they can come over at 3am, death threats, and so on

            jfc I think I prefer the radio silence to this what the hell

            • kristina [she/her]
              ·
              2 years ago

              on my old phone i have a ton of screenshots from back then. i mentioned i was a trans communist that didnt want hookups in my first sentence on my profile. then i listed basic do's and don'ts for talking to me, and a bunch of hobbies that i had. nothing very crazy, just stuff like saying 'lets talk about our hobbies!' or 'please dont be thirsty'.

              almost no one read what i said and proceeded to ask for sex straight up. or just say 'hi' and have nothing on their profile for me to go off of. then there were people that actually did have a conversation with me and then got angry when they realized i was trans even though it was in the first sentence. usually those types were weird evangelical people that were putting on a mask to try to get a date or 'convert' me.

              one said they were gonna hunt me down and kill me after superliking me and realized i was trans. i got a free subscription out of that and apparently he was automatically reported to the police :shrug-outta-hecks: i lived close to a college so i was a little concerned for a bit around guys my age because i was thinking 'did this guy see my profile and was he one of those guys?' when i was walking around campus

              and lets not even talk about how many weird gold star lesbians hit me up

        • GoebbelsDeezNuts [any]
          ·
          2 years ago

          I remember talking to my best friend who was making fun of me as he watched me swipe right a million times not looking at a single profile. He said "that's kind of fucked up man" and I asked him how many people have matched with him and he said "zero" and we both had a good laugh.

        • robot_dog_with_gun [they/them]
          ·
          2 years ago

          it's why i don't even try :sadness-abysmal:

          i've been harassed and that's not a good time but i'd rather deal with that than being invisible.

        • aaaaaaadjsf [he/him, comrade/them]
          ·
          2 years ago

          Yeah online dating is pretty much turbo fucked for dudes because it's like 80% other dudes or bots on there.

          Women have to deal with a different problem, which is being spammed by a bunch of frustrated guys. Which can also be very bad.

        • wtypstanaccount04 [he/him]
          ·
          2 years ago

          Online dating is basically designed to turn young guys into misogynists. Young guys: you don't hate women, you hate capitalism and algorithms.

          • electerrific [none/use name]
            ·
            2 years ago

            Well, women only preferring the top 5-10% of men isn't new and long predates dating apps and even capitalism.

            • wtypstanaccount04 [he/him]
              ·
              2 years ago

              Trying to rank people qualitatively doesn't work. Everyone has their own opinions of what they want in a partner. Sure, there are characteristics that are somewhat agreed upon, but those are culturally reinforced and can be changed. If women prefer the top 5-10% of men, as you say, then why do so many of them eventually "settle" and have families? Why are we still here to have this conversation when according to you 90-95% of men are supposedly left out each generation?

              Also:

              joined 10 days ago :farquaad-point:

  • thisismyrealname [he/him]
    ·
    2 years ago

    this guy's been spamming his website in like 100 different subreddits, afaict it's a complete scam

  • old_goat [none/use name]
    ·
    2 years ago

    Dating has always favored women, so I have decided to tip the scales. Got tired of filtering through all the flakes, attention seekers, and endless flirting at bars. I fought back by hiring a matchmaker that could do all the seeking for me.

    The matchmaker learns my preferences based on previous matches, allowing them to understand my type of girl and ensures potential partners won't be bored or annoyed by my proclivities and special interests.

    The results have been astounding. In the first month, the matchmaker scheduled 13 dates for me, all of which were with girls who matched my preferences and had similar interests to mine. I no longer have to waste time at the bar or dancehall struggling to come up with conversation starters.

    However all of this feels a bit dishonest. On one hand, the matchmaker has allowed me to meet more women who are compatible with me, and has saved me a lot of time and effort. But on the other hand, I feel like I'm not being genuine in my interactions. The women I'm matching with are not aware that I'm incredibly awkward at introductions and small talk, and that doesn't sit well with me.

    • RION [she/her]
      ·
      2 years ago

      If he's like 40 yeah that's weird, otherwise :shrug-outta-hecks: mentally I always considered myself a "boy" even after turning 18 because I never felt like a "man" maturity wise or w/e and this just feels corollary to that

      spoiler

      :thonk-trans:

  • flog [none/use name]
    ·
    2 years ago

    For awhile I used to hang around with a bunch of gamers. Group was predominantly early 20s straight men. Decent guys honestly, despite being :freeze-gamer:.

    I got a reputation for being the guy who fucks, despite the fact I "shouldn't" be. I'm overweight, poor, disabled, not over 6ft, not packing, the lot. Whatever reason incels say you can't get a date, I check that box. Also not where their heads ever go - but I'm not just some great hang, particularly funny, or even have some cool hobby I am passionate about. I'm introverted and nerdy.

    So these guys are lonely and struggling, and given this is basically the equivalent of magic they'd come to me for advice. They're wealthier, more attractive, fitter, taller, etc.

    The thing I have learned is that dating apps are a fucking cancer whose impact cannot be overstated. I've never used one, but these guys would talk about how they're putting themselves out there and going through hundreds of people without a real match. They'd follow all the nonsense advice about just taking better pictures or getting a better bio. Their self-esteem is totally destroyed and their brains are getting warped to be susceptible to incel bullshit.

    Frankly I hope AI bots ruin dating apps. I think it's a imperative that they get destroyed for the well being of society at large.

    Also if you're struggling, literally just do anything where you socialize with whatever gender you prefer naturally. That's it. If you're not at that point already, any other advice is just putting the cart before the horse.

  • FourteenEyes [he/him]
    ·
    2 years ago

    It really sucks that all the dating sites are so terrible. I'm very lonely and my mental health struggles make it difficult to see through the fog of depression and pain and self-hatred to discern what others think of me, and it sure would be nice if these sites did something to make me feel a little less afraid and self-conscious of my inexperience and long absence from the dating scene, but no. They want to extract as much money as possible from people motivated to spend it by heartache and sorrow.

    It's tough stumbling around in the dark, even with help from well-meaning friends, and all the reassurances in the world don't make it hurt less.

    Just wish there weren't so many people out there actively muddying the waters for a quick buck.