I'm pretty sure my dad drunkenly bought me a bonsai tree. But this was after several days and hours of discussions about my main issue of being unable to chip away at maintenance tasks, like work. Like this was my main concern: I CAN'T DO REGULAR MAINTENANCE. I AM INCAPABLE.
And a bonsai tree is literally the most antithetical gift I could possibly imagine because it needs intricate daily care and it lives forever. So...........
I'm just reeling tbh. I don't even want to confront him and I know he'll ask about it at some point, and I'll be like yeah it died 🤷♂️ and I'm just going to fixate on this forever jesus christ
What do?
I think this might have been given thoughtfully and with good intentions. ("I'll give him a bonsai tree; it'll a way to get a quick, low-stakes win every day.") But it clearly missed the mark. That's just the way gift-giving goes sometimes.*
I'd thank him and either try the bonsai tree for a few days or dispose of it. Just don't keep it around for a long time out of a sense of obligation. The goal of giving a gift is to make the recipient happy, so if it doesn't make you happy, ditch it!
* and why gift-giving is incredibly stressful ahahahaha I hate it so much
Bonsai tree for ADHD is one of the best gifts ever. Having to take care of a living thing is surprisingly great for mental health and keeping routine. Aesop Rock even has a song about it, albeit it's about a cat and not a plant. It's all about building a routine. It's crazy how much better I've been doing just because I gotta wake up in the morning to water my cats, so much starts falling into place with little bits of routine.
I think your Dad heard that rant and wanted to see you prove yourself wrong by starting with easy stuff. I'm also horrible at basic maintenance and making routines. Sometimes people have to make me do things I like, even if I'm upset at first. The bonsai tree could be a bad gift, but I really think its too early to tell. Give the bonsai tree a shot, you may be surprised with yourself.
Bonsai trees don't need a lot of intricate daily care. just watering (not always daily) and occasional trimming (which is just up to your own preference tbh)... I wouldn't assume bad intentions, it could actually be that he started to empathize with you and thought this would be something that help you grow/cope. It is a pretty low-stakes gift imo, and if it dies it isn't a huge deal. Seems just as likely he was trying to be thoughtful, but insulted you instead. Maybe just try to keep it alive as long as you can and let your dad know that you felt slighted by the gift but want to know whether that was his intention
As long as the window doesn't face north, I would just give it a shot and let it be. Unless you live in a very year-round-cold, or very dry place and your outdoor space is covered, you only have to worry about bringing it inside. If it is humid outside daily watering might not always be necessary. Sometimes being gone for a week or two your plants will hurt, but still survive...depending on the plant .... you can also add material to hold water into the soil or something to wick water into the pot... . you can also try getting an automatic irrigation system if you are super worried.. then you might only have to change the water in a bucket every so often... in general though I would just worry less and let it die or thrive on whatever you can do best without anxiety. Some plants are much hardier than the instructions will say. It might last a few years and you find that you will care for it.
A lot of people keep bonsai because it emphasizes mindfulness, practice, and being present with nature. Maybe you were telling your dad one thing and what he heard was another, that you were disconnected and anxious and this is something that could help root you. either way, I wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth or take it personally. It's a nice gift even if it didn't have the intended effect. Unless your dad does passive aggressive stuff regularly it was a pretty sweet gesture at the least
It needs more sunlight that what you'd read online and is more resistant to freezing than what you'd expect. Most bonzai are outdoor plants that need at least a few hours of direct sunlight every day.
Check out Heron's Bonzai on YT about some basic care and pruning, it's a plant it really doesn't need much it'll just grow on its own. Depends on the plant, really, but most are like this.
I have ADHD, too, and honestly this might be a good thing to hyper-fixate on occasionally because it doesn't really need daily maintenance. More like once a week or so which can be a reminder on your phone or whatever.
I know you're stressed about this but I have not killed a single living thing through negligence and I have pretty significant adhd that I take 72mg Xaggitin for, be it a pet or a plant.
The thing with these responsibilities is that they are easy and it is immediately rewarding to me every day to see a plant living and growing. That reward keeps me doing it. I like that this thing I look after grows and shrinks and changes direction to face the sun if I move it out of the light etc etc etc.
I dunno. Maybe you don't get that feeling when caring for it but I do actually suggest trying it. If it doesn't work out oh well. If it does though it will satisfy you a lot.
This could be a low-stakes way of practicing those skills? Or your dad is just a dick. It sounds like something I’d do. Lol
IDK I've got adhd and would like this gift, so even if it's misguided in this case I don't get the sense it was given with bad intentions. Obviously I'm not you and don't know your dad
The thing about houseplants is it's not even a task that needs chipping away at, it's just "are you drooping/do you feel too light, if so add water." I guess a bonsai would also have "trim scraggly twigs sometimes." I like having that very simple and quick daily ritual that I can graft more habits onto.
I have ADHD and like gardening, but nope, wouldn't want to deal with keeping a bonsai tree. However, a bonsai tree is just a tree that's kept small from how it's maintained. If you plant it outside, it will just be a tree, eventually (unless it dies, idk if you're in an ok climate for it).
Sounds like SOMEONE needs to watch Karate Kid 3 🙄
Miyagi: Close eye. Trust. Concentrate. Think only tree. Make a perfect picture down to last pine needle. Wipe your mind clean everything but tree. Nothing exists whole world. Only tree. Just trust picture.
Daniel: But how do I know if my picture is the right one?
Miyagi: If come from inside you, always the right one.
thank you mr miyagi 😭
I kinda like having plants to take care of even if I slip a little on it sometimes. Developing a regular routine is one of the only ways I get anything done.
One of my Eight Thousand Quickly Forgotten Hobbies was a pair of those goofy MiracleGro Aerogardens. I kept one at the house and grew herbs in it, and had one at work that I used to try out growing gerbera daisies. The one at home quickly became a sprawling mess of thyme vines and giant mutant basil leaves and I pretty much abandoned it. The one at work became an object of hyperfixation every time I needed to procrastinate for a few minutes, and eventually started producing some really nice daisies. A coworker unloaded an African violet on me that she said she had never been able to get to flower -- apparently just repotting it, very slightly over-watering, and keeping it under the AeroGarden grow lights was all it needed. The daisies died off five years ago, but the violet is still going somewhat strong. I keep it in the room with all my musical instruments and gear, so popping down to water it every couple of days is usually a somewhat relaxing experience because that's normally one of the last rooms in my house where I can safely go to decompress.
I guess what I'm saying is that one option is to not make caring for the plant a part of your normal routine, but you can set it up so that it coincides with otherwise desirable breaks from normal routine (as long as they are fairly regular -- sort of an unroutine). At least that's how my probably-AuDHD brain rationalizes all of this.
just do what i did: kill it on accident and then shamefully toss the little bonsai tree corpse away the next time you move.
then get the lego bonsai tree. it's nice. it has spring and summer leaves. it uses frogs as cherry blossoms. it won't die even though you watered it except for that two weeks in july when you were out of the country.
Oh, sorry. The meds really help me. So I forget that people have trouble adapting.
