We all know Ben and Jerry's, the ice cream brand with cutesy liberal names, but what about a chud Ben and Jerry's?
A few flavors right off the bat, feel free to contribute:
Make America Grape Again
A Small Cone of a Million Dollars
Blood and Soil (Cherry ice cream with chocolate dust in it)
Adolf Bits-ler (Vanilla with bits of candy in it or something)
Mousse-olini (Chocolate mousse gelato flavor)
Ronald Raegan flavor with jelly beans or something
A yet unnamed Ben Shapiro flavor with him on the container ala Ben and Jerry's "Americone Dream" with Stephen Colbert
Tucker Carlson flavor with only green M&Ms
It writes itself folks. There's just money sitting on the table, waiting for somebody to come take it.
Way too much effort. Just buy Ben and Jerry's, repackage it as "Woke-Free All-American Ice Cream" and sell it for twice the original price.
Make up a story about how you were bullied by radical antifa so you get a spot to advertise it on Tucker Carlson's- oh dagnabbit my plan is ruined
He's the most beloved man in America, whatever made him leave Fox News will only help him as he is now a martyr for the people.
Your plan can still come to fruition.
It might actually get traction these days though
such as "Smaller Governmint", "I Hate the French Vanilla," "Navy Battle Chip," "Bill Clinton Im-peach" and "Choc & Awe"
god damn we need to get on their level
Ironically, that could also be a good lefty theme'd ice cream flavor. Just slap Thomas Sankara on it for CHUD repellent.
There would have to be performatively chuddy ingredients. I mean stupid shit like "guaranteed not cruelty free" :grillman: and the like.
There would have to be performatively chuddy ingredients.
Think unvaxxed jizz might work?
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Build The Walnuts
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These Colors Don't Rum
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Jesus Is Lard
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Baked South Carolina
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Vince Frosting
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Nat Turner Diarrhea
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I can imagine the commercial with the owner shooting a ben and jerry's carton with his ar-15 while patriotic guitar riffs play.
You are a MAN and you're SICK of WOKE ice cream!
BUY AMERICREAM ICE CREAM
Made with ONE HUNDRED PERCENT MAN MILK
And i've been blending flax seeds with water and salt to make Vegan flum all this time :walter-breakdown:
- Right-wing De-woked Vanilla. It's vanilla made with "extra special de-woked ingredients". That means it's just vanilla but due to marketing - it's the most expensive flavor by far. It costs three times as much as the other flavors.
Ca-Moo-Flage (pistachio)
The O'Reilly and Rum Factor (Rum raisin)
Out of the Thin Blue (donut flavor)
Klan Food (vanilla)
Creme Bullét
... oh fuck, I hate myself. I could totally open a chud creamery.
We had that in Denmark a couple of years back.
Way back in time, before most Danes had even seen a live non-white person, ice cream manufacturers settled on using the generic name "giant Eskimo" for an ice cream bar with blackcurrant jam and dark chocolate. Because people liked to make nonsensical and racist connections been food and ethnicities back then.
Then, a few years back, a small upmarket manufacturer decided to change the name because of the obvious racism. A few other manufacturers followed the example. And then the chuds lost their mind and spent all summer raging over how the woke left had gone too far this time.
With chuds being chuds they went out and demonstratively bought ice cream that still used the racist name, owning the libs by posting pictures of ice cream online, and while the large manufacturers didn't want to be seen as part of either side of a culture war fight and kept as quiet as possible, an artisanal ice cream shop in Copenhagen cashed in on the frenzy by stating that they would never change the name, resulting in huge lines of chuds queuing up to buy the stuff.
Fuck me that unlocked some unpleasant memories of christmas and easter dinners that year. I had to explain to so many relatives that this was not our socdem prime minister being dictatorial, but just a marketing strategy, and somehow these geriatric fucks refuse to see reason. Only when I just started telling people that they sounded like a moron did they shut up.
Oberweiss dairy would fill this niche but everyone buy it despite the family being political cranks, not because of it. You're on to something. Hope it never leaves this site!
CW meat
Male meat-only diet
Oh bro, you're not happy with yourself? You thought that Peterson's Woke, Feminizing diet would make you into the Man you want to be, but now you're lamer and more constipated than ever? Well of course you are, you've been eating female meat!
Buy my books to learn the Masculine Benefits of eating only Male Meat
A diet where you're only allowed to eat the dick and balls of animals.
Conservative alphabet soup for men and for women. Mens' has Xs and Ys, and the womens' has just Xs
A CHUD ice cream would all be vanilla, ask for any other flavor and you will be asked why you hate vanilla so much, and then be shot on the spot. But I do have a couple names I could see a GOP-themed Ice Cream flavor having:
- Zyklon Berry (Strawberry)
- Grasshoppean (Just your standard grasshopper really)
- Orange Man Good (Orange sherbert, duh)
- Gamergrape (Grape sherbert)
- Conetoss (this one will just encourage you to litter because "it makes you look badass")
- Master Race (vanilla)
- the Klan Flan (Flan as an icecream flavor)
- 4chomps (Four pints of flavors randomly picked into one pack)
- Westboro Baptist Crunch (Something with crushed up cones)
- Day of the road (Rocky Road)
- I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! DIE! DIE! DIE! [The entire rest of the package is just random slurs] (It's chocolate)
- Billions must pie (Cherry Pie)
They will find a way to make it will bull sperm because they are absolutely disgusted at the idea of using milk, something that can only come from female cattle. You bet your ass plant-based options are off the table.
