It makes me so mad/sad that this is the modern reality for relationships. At the same time my self esteem is skyrocketing because of all the likes like a casino with bright lights and big numbers but the whole thing feels cheapened. I know there's more valid reasons to this besides the fact that idk how to text matches but I'm blanking
It's even more disgusting if you realize how the algo works and it's designed to make people desperate and keep them engaged and swiping.
ooh do you have any sources/links where I can go deeper on this?
Hi there. There are some sources on tinder. However, form an academic standpoint, tinder is just one app. Therefore, the research is done more on a broader level. There is not much research into tinder, but very much research about persuavive design and dopamine triggers in apps/games. I am actually researching this topic at a University. Here are some news sources: https://medium.com/thrive-global/how-technology-hijacks-peoples-minds-from-a-magician-and-google-s-design-ethicist-56d62ef5edf3 http://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2018/dopamine-smartphones-battle-time/ https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/oct/05/smartphone-addiction-silicon-valley-dystopia https://www.gamasutra.com/blogs/BenLewisEvans/20130827/198975/
If you want academic sources, I can post some, too.
Its important for us to understand, how all games and apps work nowadays. Facebook implemented the "pull to refresh" and randomized the time line because this way every refresh is a small dopamine trigger. There is a paper from the 90s (iirc) that introduced "persuasive design", basically design to change your behaviour. This can be a good thing, for people with depression or adhd. But these designs are now being used in all online apps and games. Now, when your brain gets used to dopamine triggers with the press on a button, your receptors scream for dopamine. So you start checking you phone every 5 minutes. Nobody did that 20 years ago. This is especially true for kids and teenagers. Their brain still developes and we now know, that the brain builts it's connections dependant on what it's doing (neuroplasticity). So you basically program your brain for addiction.
I don't have a source but IIRC the more people swipe right on you, the higher on the stack you get, and if people who are often swiped right by others swipe right on you this pushes you up even further. Also, if you swipe right a lot but people swipe left on you a lot you get pushed down in rankings. Basically it's a cyclical process where people who get swipes and matches get set up to get even more meanwhile the more, well, lonely users get pushed aside
Can confirm, as a "more lonely" user I just stopped using the app. Like what are bald, bookish people even supposed to do in todays world? Seems it's all about looks and sport.
Like what are bald, bookish people even supposed to do in todays world?
Wait 320 years then become a starship captain
Seems it’s all about looks and sport.
It's always been that way
Well, aside from relationships, if you have time you should start doing sport - doesn't have to be UFC. Sport does wonders for you mental and physical wellbeing. Helps you with making friends too.
https://youtu.be/_iLnZ4HCrfo not a deep source, but he talks about this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21CKkv4J8KA This is a great series on dopamin. It starts with Tinder. It is in german, therefore it doesn't help with the discussion. But I thought you might enjoy it, if you don't know it already.
Same. I really dislike dating apps, but it seems this is the only way dating and relationships are happening these days, and it feels so ... inorganic, broken, idk. I dont want to pick my boyfriend from a fucking catalogue, he is not a product.
If it wasn't for dating apps I have no fucking clue how I would find most of the wlw in my area. I get why straight people wouldn't like them because you guys can just go out into the world and the people you meet are almost always the right orientation, but god I don't know what I would do without them. Lesbian bars hardly exist anymore.
Dating apps are conceptually good but Tinder commodities the hell out of yourself and potential partners
flashforward to me with "no libs" in my bio sitting on three clean months of inbox zero
On one hand: Dating apps level the field a little bit, I truly don't know how you're supposed to meet people other ways. Bars? Kind of impossible to talk to anyone at. Concerts? Cool but tbh I've had horrible luck actually meeting anyone there. I guess Im kind of reserved and not that hot, which doesn't help, but its nice to be able to start conversations with people. Also its not like the modern concept of romance is very old, kind of a new concept in general.
On the other hand, total commodification. You lonely?? Buy boosts! Buy roses! Get attention! I hate that part of it too.
I think hobby clubs are basically the only non work or internet ways to reliably meet people as an adult outside of your current circle. This goes for friends or dating. I've met a few good friends this way and would encourage it.
I've met friends sure, but hobbies are playing music and rock climbing, both of which are skewing male. Music is tough, because theres girls there, but they will just rightfully assume you're a creep, since almost every guy in music seems to be? Sorry now Im just bitching about my social skill 🙅♂️
Generally speaking, my dating life was bound up with my friends and my work.
Going to a bar and just hitting on people is terrible for a whole bunch of reasons. But when you have mutual friends and you meet in a social atmosphere and you start to hang out more because you like one another... That's good and healthy and perfectly normal.
Tinder gets around the need to have a social life populated with horny single people. And that's good. But it also enables that social alienation, which is less good.
The further gamification of dating (particularly the P2W aspect) is nightmarishly cynical.
But if you don't like it, there are a thousand clone-alternatives for hooking up. They just aren't anything that'll get you past the natural isolation of a modem capitalist lifestyle.
No experience with tinder but someone a while back posted this vid called the evil economics of tinder https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OnLpylrZ028
Thought it was interesting but since I never used tinder don't know but feels right.
Youtube's algorithm is so insidious. If you watch that video, you get recommended a video called "Tinder Experiment: 18 Yr Old Woman Tries Being A Man!!!" which has 1 million views. Then from there you get recommended motivation videos, Jordan Peterson, and other alt right pipeline videos. It's so easy to see how these impressionable young guys who are alienated by capitalism go down that pipeline.
I tend to use the do not recommend channel over and over. No idea if it helps but this is why I like my YouTube account. If I go to YouTube without it it's way to easy to be bombarded with right wing shit or reactionary content. That stuff gets huge promotion on regular youtube.
Interesting that chapodotchat have these Google trackers to help us.
I swore off it when the pandemic hit because a) just got out of a long term relationship and wasn't anywhere near emotionally there, and b) terrified of getting the covid, but I'm kind of dreading and looking forward to getting back on at the same time. The confusion of whether someone is there for dating or hookups (like I like both but not knowing is disorienting) and the awkwardnes of just opening a convo with a stranger always made it kind of weird to use. But then on the other hand, I really am ready to date again, like this pandemic shit is a bummer 😕
reports: Please delete this embarrassing reddit tier bullshit
It's horrible, I was just thinking today how I was so set on meeting someone irl, without a stupid app to bridge the gap. I was on tinder etc. for years and just unhappy with the dynamic. It made me incredibly jaded, and I realized I was so much better trying to approach women in person.
Then the pandemic hit, so I hopped back on and it's even worse now because I feel like a person who I would want to meet would be just as jaded over dating apps and wouldn't want to use them lmao
Are you on the fem side of things? It sucks for everyone. If you're on the fem side it seems a bit easier, but you still have to wade through all the likes. The app forces you to judge people before ever meeting them and it's cruel.
Surprisingly I'm a pretty masculine looking dude but yeah the whole looking at someone and deciding off of that is very dumb
Oh ffs is this actually the new norm? I've been avoiding it since I'm old (mid thirties) and the entire concept of online dating is kind of foreign to me.
We used to have forums and IRC for these things. IMO worked better than Tinder and the like. There were dating sites back then, and they were super sleazy, and the dating apps from today are just as much, only hiding under a shiny app veneer.
IRC really used to be for hookups? I still use it (for other purposes) and heard things like that before, but I wrote it off as an absurd rumor
Every woman I've talked to has talked about being approached romantically by total randoms in public and how this is deeply uncomfortable and scary. This will still happen, but creating an app where consent (well, not consent, but interest) is created from the outset (ie two people have to agree before socially engaging) , I think that's a neat concept. I know there are huge date rape scandals about people who meet online so obviously it's not perfect, but I dunno, as a man who's afraid of talking romantically to people in person I think it's cool.
I like em - it's nice and no nonsense. Granted, I got sexually assaulted by one of the people I met, but on the whole they've been nice.
