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Ever have one of those "How the fuck am I still single, when this is my competition?!" moments?
Literally every time I read something like this
But then I remember I barely leave my house due to Covid, don’t really like meeting people or going out anyway, and the last relationship I was in we broke up because she held extremely bourgeois values and was an anticommunist. So sometimes the women are just as reactionary as the men, and also I do myself no favors being a crank shut in. So it actually makes complete sense why I’m single.
Personally I think my problem is not replying to texts reliably, women seem to hate that
That's just when they respond to my first message which is very rarely because I also suck at the opening message, I have no idea what to say most of the time
always a numbers game as much as I wish it weren't and it doesn't help that I'm still paranoid about covid (even though I may have just gotten it again without having gone on a single date)
I know right everytime I go several months without talking to a woman the relationship is basically over
Almost every goddamn day of my life, but I know the answer is that I don't put myself out there or make an effort to meet new people/potential love interests. I think I would make a good partner for someone, it's just a matter of actually seeking people out. Just sucks that guys are expected to make the first move most of the time and I'm terrible at gauging someone's interest in me.
same. but there is nowhere to "put myself out there" anyways, besides dating apps which don't work
It sure is very nice to be told that the bar is on the floor, when you still haven't managed to clear it.
Every fucking day, doubled whenever I interact with cishet men
Just waiting for that special lady who will see me in my stained hoodie (it has a hole and stretched out sleeve cuffs) and walk all the way to the edge of the room to greet me. She will have just come away from arguing with her slightly-less-politically coherent friends and will see that I am reading a book.
"I'm sorry, is that Grapes of Wrath?" she will ask me.
I will say that yes, it is, but I'm only reading it as a change of pace from my usual material. When she asks me what my usual is, I will lean in, and say softly, "animal facts."
my mom says that about my bf. claims hes too much of a catch and i dont do enough for him. of course some of this sentiment is transphobia, i do a lot with him
nah he just loves me the way i am mom
Some older women one if them a midwife where really surprised about me saying that I really miss my kid and wish I was back home since I started going back to uni. Like "wow modern men really are something huh? Good for you!". Made me real sad for them because they have kids if their own.
Felt really weird to get lauded because I care about my own kid.
I have the opposite experience - the older women in my family love and dote on my partner because of how sweet he is! It’s adorable. Also a little sad because I know a lot of them weren’t treated well by their (late or ex, fortunately) husbands.
Oh there’s so much bad stuff about my family too, they’re not worth being jealous over, lol. I’m just really happy that my partner is giving these traumatized old ladies some renewed faith in humanity
Lol my family is so conservative that they complain that someones husband can cook and do house work 😂 it is an horror in their eyes
I keep hearing about dudes just casually watching porn in non-masturbatory contexts the way I scroll through funny animal videos on Youtube and I just don't get it
i look at porn and may even edge a bit but not orgasm so as to increase libido for actual sex with my partner later. that said erotica and artwork would work great too, im sure
I know a guy who literally doesn't masturbate because it "ruins sex" but also is way into porn and watches it frequently. I don't get it either. I utilize porn as a tool but I can't imagine just watching it for watching's sake.
Lmao this guy is into Rogan, Peterson, and Shabibo (insists he doesnt agree with them about trans people tho! But only because we have a mutual trans friend).
you don't watch porn for the plot ? you might learn a thing or two about mise en scène
Only guy I know that does this is also friends with porn directors and does communal porn watch parties (and other sex party stuff). So probably not the average example.
But I can think of few things less arousing than watching porn in a group.
Edit: I tell a lie, I also had a colleague of mine show a titty model gif and saying 'look at this cool thing'. He is also 20 years my senior. Just kind of confused by that more than anything, how the fuck are you supposed to react?
But I can think of few things less arousing than watching porn in a group.
Imagining a bunch of hipster auteur types sipping wine and rubbing their chins, furiously writing in their little notebooks, while some Brazzers is playing in front of them all like: "ah yes the artistic choice of spreading the cumshot all across her back with a vibrator is a real insight into the perils of digital nomadism in the age of late capitalism"
I also had a colleague of mine show a titty model gif and saying 'look at this cool thing'. He is also 20 years my senior. Just kind of confused by that more than anything, how the fuck are you supposed to react?
"Impressive, very nice, now lets see Paul Allen's titty model gif"
I knew a guy who would just watch porn in the breakroom at our warehouse job. An otherwise nice enough guy but it was very weird
we didn't have an HR we had a Polish woman that yelled at people she thought were working slowly
I quit that job ages ago but she would not have given a fuck. Also there was a strong no telling management about stuff culture at the place
ah i see. that sucks. i can’t imagine that guy was very tolerated by staff
He would just scroll through instagram and followed a number of pornstars. he wasn't wanking or anything
I kind of knew him because an English warehouse is in my experience quite a segregated environment where you have the Indians, the Slavs and the English. Primarily segregated by the language barrier
as a side note it is genuinely shocking how often the Indians I've known working in warehouses have MBAs
The nice thing about divorce in this case is that the kids wouldn't have a father in their life anyway.
yeah a lot of reddit posts def seem like bait. this sort of thing does happen though
I don’t think anyone is aloof enough to watch porn during delivery. Watching it while everyone is waiting and the doctors don’t want you interfering with their procedure? Probably if you’re that much of a cumbrain. The more realistic scenario I can see is the husband just standing there awkwardly in the back because he doesn’t want to be ‘disgusted’ by the sight
I have never seen that word used anywhere but this site. 4chan uses coomer but ultimately means the same thing
L&D nurses have had to forcibly remove husbands off their post-partum wives because they were trying to force themselves on them. It is a disgusting world out there.
Hol up... I'm fucking speechless. I've seen some shit in my life, and I'm really desensitized to fucked up things. But this is a whole new depravity to me, like it would never occur to me that this was a thing someone might do.
I'm sorry to say that it happens and nurses see some of the worst of humanity.
This can't be real. The bit about "everyone acting like it's totally normal" for something that's clearly not, and just the absurdity of the situation makes me believe it's fake. People can't be that shitty, can they? But in the 1% chance it's true, wtf
"everyone" means "everyone immediately known to me whom i've asked," and there are some fucked up places out there
Like I've known some shitty men but that just doesn't seem like a realistically shitty thing
When my wife gave birth, the delivery room had a sign saying any sexual comments, said jokingly or not, would result in you being immediately kicked out. I couldn't believe they needed to put up a fucking sign for that at the time so that makes this post a bit less shocking to me.
When one of our kids was delivered the midwife told us of another couple where the man had... stimulated... his partner during labour. The way she told it was that some level of physical intimacy was beneficial to the process but that this particular couple had stepped way over the line of being weird and uncomfortable to the hospital staff.
Couple of years ago I had to listen to a distant relative make the "husband stitch" joke while I was sitting at the other end of the table at a big family event. Legitimately made me angry how much the
found it funny.Some people are really unhinged. The thing that upsets me more is when someone says something like that and then would continually be invited to events following that
Yeah, that’s crazy that that was an issue so often they put a sign up for it. It would be like a CAT scan room having a sign saying “Don’t punch the patients”
Assuming the nurses/midwives are trained professionals, I'm going to guess that
A. They're too focused on their job to pay attention to what some observer is doing on the other side of the room
B. They've probably witnessed worse behavior from women's husbands during childbirth
Idk, I could see this being legit. In my life experience I've found that shitty people tend to find each other, kind of creates a localized normality.
Having the internet on any pocket-sized device should be outlawed and hundreds of millions of people need to be put into rehabilitation camps.
On one hand we could just hang the techbro CEOs/execs and burn down their shitty social media servers then maybe the "internet" would go back to being more than the same 3 shit websites?
On the other hand I don't know if there is a cure for someone that spent 10 years on reddit.
No more LCD screens. Make everything electric ink, like those e-readers.
LCD televisions are still allowed, but it cannot have more than 256KB of RAM
Honestly as a person with adhd someone should come and confiscate my smartphone
Its really odd to immediately relate "watching porn at your childs birth" to be an ADHD symptom, in the context of this comment, rather than "the circus box in your pocket is causing peoples brains to melt from the constant circus intake".
ADHD is basically only a disability in the context of a hyper-atomized society where everyone is responsible for their own tiny kingdom. Its anachronistic to modern "sit down in your box" lifestyles, and probably far more useful in survival or communal scenarios.
In this theoretical world where phones are outlawed and millions are in rehabilitation camps, I'm going to assume there's a lot of other shit being done, a lot of communal actions and new responsibilities I'd bet, probably plenty of room for our easily distracted asses to use our pattern matching and reward mechanisms to help the community, while other community members tell us to wash our stinky asses because we're too occupied with sorting produce to notice.
Even without the greater context of the post, its so tiring to hear people with ADHD spoken about like they're some kind of hedonism bot without greater executive control. I live a daily life where I constantly forget what I'm doing, deal with the shame of not being able to focus on tasks like my peers, and overall start at the back of the pack in any metaphorical race and need to play catch up.
Our current society is optimized in a way that exacerbates ADHD symptoms sure, but making an exaggerated joke about undoing this societal damage isn't some "hexbear hates people with adhd" take.
There's some deeply embedded infantilization that occurs in discussions about people with neurodiverse disorders that effect executive function. It's one thing to have an explanation and identify why things take place. Its something else to take a leap and hard-associate the overuse/abuse of the most widespread device in human history with ADHD as if its some kind of cultural right to melt your neurons into a slurry with a constant flow of the garbage that is pushed on social media and beyond.
And, at any point, did you ever consider that my response could have been exaggerated as well?
No I did not an I'm sorry for that.
Was the original comment you responded to edited? I notice you keep using "reeducation" when the comment said "rehabilitation", which might be cause for why we're arguing.
Cease
Respected, have a good day, sorry to be annoying and fighting for a debate.
I was a bit rude too, possibly because I hold some self-resentment myself, but also I've had to derive my own methods for dealing with things, and tend to feel like we don't talk the "what next"s enough.
It feels good to be given the space to be a bit special and have needs accounted for, but i've found it all goes out the window when you need to go out and do things. Every time I've given myself that space, I take it for granted and have an even harder time participating in "normal" spaces, which hurts even more than if I just kept up the momentum. I can't expect the people I meet in day to day life to have a grasp on my condition. They've got other stuff going on. The "normal" spaces will always exist to an extent. Someone working 10 hours a day out of the back of a van won't have the energy or care to educate themselves on conditions unless its personal.
Like I think as a community we should have more people offering help to break certain comfort-based cycles. Addiction is the same for anything, and you need to want to break the cycle to get better. I don't think we should shame people for being addicted, but we should still encourage improvement. When I see sentiments that are basically "its okay" without the second step, it makes me feel frustrated because having a safe space wont help me the next time I piss someone off for being a little too autistic. I need to catch it ahead of time and understand myself better to interface with the rest of the world.
Wholesome moment at the end of a frustrating interaction
I always want to keep it wholesome here. I don't want my bear site to become a bad site.
I'm sorry the phones are such a liability for everyone else. ☹️ My smartphone is a huge help in dealing with my ADHD. My to-do list and reminders and calendars are the only things keeping my life from completely falling apart.
Im the same but I don't use it enough so im just a huge mess
I mean... It'd probably do my ADHD ass some good tbh.
I disagree, people don’t choose to be educated wrong or indoctrinated, reeducation already doesn’t imply moral failure or responsibility for those being re-educated
Pretty sure we just shoot the ones who knew what they were doing and did it anyway, like ideological nazis
I hope for a future when I am cited for reeducation after rightfully being called out on my whatver the word for boomer-bullshit for my generation will, cause my brain is a rotted mess despite my best efforts and reading of communism books
being wrong and learning right should be awesome not this dramatic punitive bullshit we have now
That’s really fucking sad. The moment of my kids birth was the happiest moment in my life.
I gotta get up and do something equivalent.
In a statement related to birthing this sentence fills me with terror on your behalf
what do you mean you'll do something equivalent
I question if now allowing the father in like that would be at all common. I doubt negative scenarios like this was common in any way (even if they have happened before) and wanting to be in the room seems like a probably universal want from both sides
AFAIK in northern Europe the change happened around the 1970's-1980's. Most millennials are born in the presence of their fathers but nearly none of their grandfathers were present for the birth of their parents.
Yeah, could be time and region. Vast majority of people I know has father there when baby was born (that have mentioned it) but probably not universal
everyone around me acting like it's a totally normal thing to be WATCHING PORN IN THE SAME ROOM YOUR LABORING WIFE IS IN
Honey… can’t you take out the trash for me? I’m trying to catch the BIG GAME with the boys!
My wife and I have had two children for both children, I had a bugout bag set up which included a book. Delivery takes hours, it's often quick near the end, but we had to wait through contractions and dilation. It is not normal to watch porn in situations like this - one can argue that pornography, outside of kink shows, or art exhibitions is meant for private consumption.
My jaw is on the floor. Holy shit.
If you have cool friends sharing pornography with them isn’t weird.
jacking it to a d&d game
"look at those sexy dice... that beautiful low-tech pencil and paper setup... not a screen in sight... oh god... i... i... i-m COOOMING!!!"
If I had a friend try to share that with I would ghost them before they could blink. I still think that’s pretty unhinged to be honest. Maybe less so than this post but still crazy
It really depends who you're friends with and if they are actually cool with it. Some friends will share stuff with me (and vice versa) but most people I wont.
I think it would be fine if everyone there agreed to it but that's very unlikely and would require prior arrangement
I can also imagine sharing it if you made the porn and are proud of it, and have friends you know are cool with seeing it.
yeah it basically boils down to consent if everyone there consents to it and is capable of giving the consent (here assuming the same for the people in the porn) then it's fine
Arguably there are compications because someone's significant other might not be thrilled but that's just regular sex stuff
Fake as hell, but as a AMAB person I can confirm that the bar is low. I get compliments fairly often by doing what seem to me like normal spouse/parent stuff. These compliments are always from women, which offers a depressing insight into what they've been conditioned to accept
You'd think so, but if you are a single older guy, 'Being nice to people.' is seen as 'Being desperate for attention or interaction', at least until you hang out enough for people to realize 'oh no, he's fine with being ignored he's just a nice guy.' Which is wild to me because I see being an obnoxious asshole as being desperate for attention.
Social situations are completely fucked these days, especially with dating because of the toxic shit that both men and women are taught by 'dating gurus' on the internet. What happens is that people ask their friends advice on stuff, but their friends who are into these types of relationship dramas are getting their advice from people who are pushed on the algorithm, who are almost all people who are complete drama freaks. The amount of normalization (and romanticization) of whacky creepy behavior is wild.
you right tho
