I hope everyone had a great week! Hang out. Chat. Talk about what's going on. Have fun :3
Coworkers have starting teasing me about my hair because I've been growing it out. Say it looks like Gene Wilder's (it does). But, like, Gene Wilder is awesome?
Another coworker says I look like Timothy shalomet (I don't), and he sure is pretty. Do they just think I have a magical Wonka aura?
Anyway, I take this as evidence that my hair is reaching outside the bounds of Acceptable Male Gender Expression, so the enforcement is now taking place. That's good I guess.
One of them asked me if I ever want to be a woman, and I said sometimes.
I mean, some of these people have seen me off work with makeup, earrings, hair styled, and femme clothes, and they still don't get it lol. The cis really do be oblivious sometimes.
They just think I'm "fashionable" lmao
Yeah she's weird >.>
Overall, she's sweet, though. Just kind of oblivious about queer stuff. Normal where I'm living
Mhm it's not a bad question on its own, just kinda wild, where I am cis ppl usually walk on eggshells and never acknowledge queer stuff lol
As a male presenting person it’s infuriating constantly hearing people tell me to cut my hair now that it’s beyond the acceptable male hair length. I think it’s gonna get so much worse when I get earrings :/
Who knows, once you get the earrings, things might click for them.
This morning, I got the biggest surprise phone call of my life so far. To my sheer shock and surprise, they moved my bottom surgery from next week to this week. I did not expect them to move it up this close to my surgical date. I was not prepped for this, but I'm all for it. LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Wanted to see if I could find some kind of support group for transfems in my city so I could maybe build some kind of social network for myself.
Despite my city frequently being in the top 10 most queer cities of my state, there were only 2 possible monthly meet-ups I could attend as a transfem. One was for only for trans people in their 20s which means I'd be out of the range within the next year, and the other was for all gender diverse individuals 18 or older.
Both of these left me with that dreaded feeling that comes with starting my transition later in life. Ngl I feel kinda alienated by how young these skew and I'm a bit wary. I might go anyway to the 20s group while I still can and I'll see about the other one. Hopefully at least one of these leads to something positive.
went away for the state enforced Christian holiday, interacted with a heap of people and felt constantly treated like a guy, I kept feeling like everyone was about to call me the name I stopped using five years ago, I started doing it in my head, and having dreams about it
good reminder to not go anywhere I guess. sorry for sadposting, i'm fine
oh my god
i was on a discord call with like 2 queer friends last night. Girl name, she/her pronouns. I had earlier used that one nicer shampoo/conditioner that I've been leaving around my shower for god knows how long so this time my hair looked really good? Mid length, "masculine" cut but something about the way my headphones acted as a headband almost made my hair look really nice? My friend even noticed and commented on how she loved my hair
I spent like half an hour just kind of zoning out of the call looking at myself on the screen and for the first time I actually... felt nice. Like, I actually liked what I saw, I was visibly happy with myself. I ended up taking 5 selfies on that call and for the first time in my life I did that because I actually wanted to
still cis tho
Video calls can smooth things out and really make us look fem and pretty right? Blows my mind sometimes haha I should take more pictures
yeah, I actually ended up taking more photos of my computer screen than myself because that's where i looked nicer. big shoutout to discord for putting up the femme filter for me apparently
this is so real! I often see myself in work slack calls (where I'm boymoding), and am confused as to why that has to be where I look the most fem.
I am still boymoding too and honestly I'm just here to gaslight people who think they are noticing changes lmao. I see people give me the extra long stare at work when talking to me and the little question mark pop up over their head 😂
This week I am practicing waving at people and saying hello, instead of nodding at people and saying hello, as a form of greeting at work. I am told nodding is a Dude Gesture, which must be a Command & Conquer reference else it's completely illogical.
What other secretly gendered gestures and shit do I still have after so long? Honestly this whole "gender" thing seems kinda fuckin stupid sometimes.
i spend a lot of time analyzing cis women's gender expression to figure out new cues i hadn't considered. i literally just stopped doing the nod like a year ago after transitioning for half a decade now
I'm only stopping after nine years :) I have too much autism to do analysis lol, to neurotypicals I probably read like some kind of genderfreak, which tbh is sort of rad. Random people at my bluecollar job will use "they" for me totally unprompted.
people would they/them me a whole bunch when i first integrated into this new group. i think cis people would rather short circuit than ask someone what they prefer
To be completely fair, I once had a guy in an elevator ask me "hey so are you a guy or a girl?" and I was so floored I couldn't even be snarky. Cis people SUCK at asking, lol.
I refuse to correct them until they get their shit together, Idk. They can wonder and be confused, fuck em. My gender is Fear Incarnate!
one time i had spent 2 hours in front of a guy explicitly talking about my gender and he still came up afterwards and asked the same question. i had the same reaction you did, fuck them. read the fucking manual
WHAT no idea this was a thing I nod at everyone.
Why do social conventions have to be so confusing, literally have to study people to interact in "appropriate" ways smh
I fuckin know right, I only found out recently. I just interact "inappropriately" all the dang time, cause fuck em =)
Ladies, is it masculine to rapidly move your head in a vertical range of motion, signifying affirmation and recognition of others?
I've been trying to force myself to stop the nod and failing. I really need to stop meeting people's eyes while i'm walking.
Actually I realised today too, one of the reasons I'm such a Nodder is that it's a good excuse to look away from someone very fast
Whereas if I wave at someone and say hello, uh where do my eyes go shit uhhh
100 percent the reason I do it, gives me a way to smoothly break eye contact
This is true! It should not be, but the intersection of "traditional gender" norms and neurotypical social norms is an evil one!
they say going on e is going to make you cry a bunch and honestly that sounds really nice i need some hormone assisted crying rn
It’s so wonderful ngl. The change in feeling emotion is like night and day. I still refer to my old self as being an emotional brick. Nowadays, I feel a full gamut of emotions. It’s commonly said, but it rings true. It’s like when someone puts glasses on for the first time. The world is a much more beautiful place than it was before.
I remember back in high school i was pretty easily able to be crying but I guess even testosterone puberty can do that shit to you. It still feels weird to admit to yourself "Damn I wish I could cry more" though
Prog is what turned on the water works for me, but it is really nice to have a good cry and then feel a little bit better afterwards.
I'm still waiting for this. Idk if i need to ask to up my dosage or what but i'll see after my new baseline from injections. Everytime I feel a cry coming on I get a rush of euphoria like "Yes finally this is so affirming", but then i lose the cry and paradoxically it makes me sad.
That is NOT an easy decision to make. I genuinely hope you find a good solution in this to make yourself happy at the end of the day.
Your best bet is to probably have another sit down with her and explain how important this is to you. Long-term SOs tend to want to listen, but if she’s too old school, you’re going to have a major uphill battle. Either way, I wish you the best of luck.
Just wanted to say that you did not fuck this up. You haven't done anything wrong by being who you are and finding out at your own pace. It probably took a lot of bravery on your part to tell her & I'm sorry that she didn't react well, but that's far from being something you "fucked up".
i shaved my sideburns
no more plausible deniability, I wanna try female hormonal chemistry
i shaved my sideburns
are sideburns masc? I've been debating shaving mine but my gf said they're neutral.
if brevity is the soul of wit then this autistic transfemme got to be the dumbest girl on earth. i literally cannot stop posting/talking
God has made no mistake. He gave the artist the perfect canvas and gave her all of the tools; Everything she needed to make her masterpiece. I was born to be an autistic trans girl 
duct taping an epilator to the wall so i can do my back like a bear scratching themselves on a fucking tree
